Best Divorce letter

In case you care, we arrived at icy hell in one piece and I’m getting ready for the lunch sister-in-law made. It’s freaking cold here, 7 degrees, my blood just got solid a while ago!

It’s hard to confess but I sorta missed this place, the little one is very happy and he feels like he’s home (and he is) so if things go well we’re gonna have a wonderful week here, no work, no stress and who knows we may go hunting.

Gotta go now, I try to update but I wont make any promises, so if you feel bored, go through the archives.

ps:I read this a long time ago but it still looked funny

“Best Divorce letter”

Dear wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving
you. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and
I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice
I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal
and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t
want sex or anything that connects us as husband
and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t
love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have
a great life!

<>*<>*<>*<>* <>*<>*<>* <>*<>*<>* <>*<>*<>* <>*<>*<>* <>

“Best Response to a Divorce Letter”

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It’s true you and I have been married for 7
years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad
that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week,
but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You
look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can’t say something
nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from
you because the $49.99 price tag was still on
them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that
my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that
morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have
the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t
get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell And Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not
a problem.

private Saturdays

Note:1. No sexual content, skip this post please, if you come here for something x-rated.
2. I decided to add a new category to my list and make a little space for myself to throw my tantrums, it’s just Saturdays, I promise.

It’s been a week now and I found it extremely hard to communicate with him, I may call it the ghost of my marriage but it’s not that true. Those seen me in the last few days found me quieter, lonelier and more mysterious than ever and this time I have no shoulder to cry on. I don’t blame anyone on my feelings but there must be a reason for every problem. I thought Vday could be the time to fix the increasing distance between me and him but I was wrong cos it was just a hallmark holiday to get drunk and find out the reason of those unusual coughs.
At least we tried to look like the good-match-we used to-be when with friends cos we think it’s a phase that shall pass.
With all the family gatherings and meeting new people I started to look at the world differently; there’s more to life than just a silly marriage certificate you cant get in other states.
So I started to look for another job cos now my colleagues know why I’m  pretty the most popular employee to my boss and I cant stand the gossips so I decided to leave my job ASAP but I fucked up all the interviews and I doubt anyone wants such a screwed guy no matter how brilliant he looks and I digress.

My biggest challenge in life was raising my girl in a way she won’t hate me in the future and this is the thing bugging me most these days. It’s been a while since the last time me and my ex fought for her and I thought we could live a peaceful schedule of staying once a week with mommy and letting daddy deal with the rest and it worked for a good while but it’s not working anymore and I dont want her to feel unwanted as much as I felt since 16.

It’s not like me to let someone bug me to death and get away with it but he’s managing to have whatever he wants from our relationship and ignore his responsibilities. Actually we stopped talking about applying for a job but his being at home and doing nothing than babysitting my baby who feels much better with other kids than staying with her daddy’s spouse is driving me nuts.

Coughing most of Thursday night I offered taking him to a doc but he preferred to stay home and I just left for office and tried to enjoy the last day of the week lying to myself ” weekend gonna be a better time” but when I got home we had a huge fight (something new for both) and whatever he said looked extremely stupid so I left home to look for my baby girl and when I came back he was gone leaving a “Not to look for me” note stuck to the fridge so I have a new record, a marriage lasting just a week, then why nobody ban same-sex marriages in Ma.?!!

Until a while ago I used to think my previous marriage was something very normal with many down times but spending more time with my little girl I realized what a terrible influence we had on her, I dunno how much she’d seen but it was enough for her to behave very differently from kids her age, I tried my best to change what we carved on her innocent mind but you cant do much when nobody else helps you.

I know I’m nothing close to the kinda dad most kid wants but her mom is no better than me. She’s struggling with her demons obviously but why should she use a 2.5 yr old girl to take revenge?
I don’t wanna be bitchy about my ex, she’s a wonderful woman, the kinda person many people dream of sharing their lives with but to me she’s not a good mom. Sometimes I hate Saturdays and myself, letting my baby girl suffer from her parents’ mistake but I couldn’t find a proper female model in her life so my only choice was her mom.
I loved my mom a lot and I couldn’t think any mom could hate her own kid but my ex does. At first I thought it wasn’t fair to be the parent in charge when she’s sick and let her mom have her when she was all healthy and in good mood and in the end she tells me I had spoiled her. (If you think ushering a 2.5 yr old girl to the bathroom and stay there till she’s done with her stuff is spoiling, I’d rather be the bad dad and do that than thinking peeing is no big deal and she can do it on her own). Now I think she cant stand her own baby. I don’t wanna judge her, I really want her to tell me what she means by treating her like this but she doesn’t talk to me at all.

I didn’t have a wonderful week to let her insult me anyway she wanted and get away with it, more than that we had agreed on a few things and she had no right to take my baby with her on Friday morning after I left, then leave her with some friend of her. I wouldnt be mad if she had asked me but when you cant find your baby and your ex and the only thing you can do is calling your ex’s boyfriend who thinks of your baby as the big obstacle to his love and treats your baby like a stinky garbage left in the kitchen to be thrown away at night, you couldnt be the smiling guy or I cant.

The most ridiculous part was the reason she didn’t have, she suddenly missed her baby and then she realized this little creature was naughtier than she thought and she couldnt keep it. Ok it’s all my fault that she’s so twisted she cant stand her own child, it’s all my fault that he doesn’t want to look for a job and he blames me for losing the job he had, it’s all my fault that my boss thinks I do my work better than others and others think it’s not true cos my boss is gay and we’re very good friends (his partner loves my baby like the grandchild he doesn’t have and she likes him cos he gives her chocolates).

I don’t care if the world blame me on all the miseries happening to them but I dont want her to think I’m the reason of all her miseries in 10-15 yrs time, I dont want her to feel ashamed of her dad, I want her to love me the way I loved my dad but I cant make her feel that way.

I found this blog and read some part of it and I don’t want it to be a crystal ball to my baby’s future, I dunno what to do but I want to be the kinda dad she’d be proud of.

footnotes:
1. I haven’t seen my partner since Friday and I don’t care where he is and I won’t apologize for something that wasn’t my fault.
2. I spent all Saturday with my granny and my baby girl and it was lotta fun, I may move into granny’s place if he asked for a few days thinking about why we got married so quickly.
3. My baby girl won’t see her mom again, not that I’m the selfish dad who doesn’t want a mother have some quality time with her daughter, she’s moving to another city (she’d told me before but I thought she was lying just to drive me mad) miles away so they cant see each other once a week and she preferred not to say goodbye to her and let daddy do the hard parts as usual.
4. End of complaining, I will try to write something x-rated later but not any time soon