kiss me on the lips bro part 2

Note: Check this part first and the labels before reading, it’s not meant to fulfill a fantasy and actually it’s me dealing with my life as innocent as possible.

The curtains were down and the room was lit with some of Ace’s favorite candles and in the middle of the room my shameless brother was trying to polish his toenails.
“You just have pink and black? they don’t match too well.”
I stared at my own brother voiceless with my jaws dropped open while Ace was still struggling to stand on his own feet and close his zip I undid earlier. Gosh this guy has peeped into the most private parts of my house and was still giving me that innocent look I guess sometimes I have too. I blinked a few times and re-started my brain before saying anything, actually I opened my mouth but nothing came out cos I wasn’t sure I wanted to say obscenities (that is pretty useless with those words being mostly related to the family and whatever I said would for sure insult my own family!) or I wanted to ignore him. At last I managed to call Z’s full name and tell him to get out at once. He gave me an unpleasant look before mentioning I had a gorgeous husband and I looked sexier when angry.
I blew the candles to save the remaining parts, noticing some of ‘em were the ones that meant something to Ace cos as long as I knew him they were somewhere near him.
“I’m so sorry.” Just thinking about what my brother did and the possibility of damaging some of Ace’s precious memorials, I was sure just a simple apology wont be enough.
“Easy, love. They were just candles, made to be burned.” he ran his fingers through the curves of my hair before embracing me tight. Little drops of tears glued our faces as I tried to kiss him. W spent the next 5 to 10 minutes doing nothing than sitting on the bed and holding hands, each thinking of a very different thing.
“Fine?” he asked at last. “Yes, you?” I asked staring at his blue eyes that looked grayer than ever.
“I think you dont have to ask him anymore, so give him time to come out on his own terms.” He smiled sweetly reminding me of the coming days I’d miss him.
“Judging him at the first fright? not really like you. Honestly I can give him time to pack and get outta my house, this kid is crossing all the lines. Everyone knows every couple has their own private things, why should we be any different?” I felt hot with anger, I did try to respect those lines at least though I usually cross ‘em without noticing, there is a huge difference between doing something intentionally and unintentionally.
“Shush, throw him outta your part of house, this house is mine too and I want my brother-in-law to stay. Don’t act like K, you weren’t Mr. perfect when you were his age.” he paused to pull me closer, his lips almost touching mine. “You are perfect now.”
It was one of those passionate kisses  without any tongue fight when you dont wanna let go till you’re outta breath.
I took a deep breath before welcoming the intruder, I knew he’d been standing there for a while just looking at his brother but I’m not the kinda guy to stop such kisses cos someone is watching us, I don’t even do it cos of baby girl and that’s the reason sister-in-law taught her the word “gay” that she uses too random some people thought/think she had a very homophobic dad and I even got a few lectures on homosexuality and its nature. Am I really homophobic?

“Come here Z, we gotta talk.” I patted a place on the bed, showing him where to sit.
“Sorry.” was all he said  as he managed to sit right between me and Ace like baby girl who always wants a middle ground when she joins her daddies for a night.
Me and Ace moved a bit to give him more space, I really didn’t want to sandwich my own brother.

I opened my mouth a few times to ask him the question then I thought I might freak him out, I really had no experience asking my brother if he was gay. I had asked a few guys about their sexuality but that was for other purposes. For the first time I was hell mad at myself for never trying to know my little bro. if we were closer, he would have told me right? How was he supposed to come out to his brother if he were gay? I simply asked my granny to out me to my family and I don’t remember how I came out to her, it was like she knew it. This was different. What if he was just curious, com’on lots of straight guys color their hair and nails and lots of gays don’t like it.

“So what’s up Z?” I heard Ace coming to rescue me.
I felt Z curved to a ball and whimpered a few times as he tried to grab my hand with no success so I moved my hand closer and held his right hand as Ace went for his other hand. I even felt  Ace’s other hand  brushed against  the hand I put behind Z.

“I think I might be …” Z bit his lip and swallowed some air loudly.
“You might be what?” I shouted at him or at least it was too loud for a simple chat and I felt Ace’s nails dug into my free hand so I repeated my question with the nicest tone I had right then.
“I might be like you.” Z said and ran out of the room. I think I looked as shocked as Ace that means we both looked too silly and too funny. I was waiting for that answer and I was still shocked. So was he out now? he didn’t even say the word. “Like you” Ace pointed his finger at me and burst in laughter.
“What’s funny ugly boy?” I managed to ask after laughing a while myself. I think it’s another kind of reaction when you are shocked.

“Nothing, nothing really. Now we gotta find him a husband.”
-”Jerkass, he said he might, that means nothing. Let’s go and talk to him, I bet it took him all the guts he had to say so.”

I ran downstairs followed by Ace and stood behind Z’s door so Ace knocked.
“Yes?” Came a hoarse voice.
“We want to come in.” I said as I tried the doorknob, it was locked.
“Wait, I’m coming.” Z said and in a seconds we heard the door unlocked.
I think it runs in the family, we all look like total mess and hell funny when we’re mentally fucked. I tried not to laugh but I saw Ace’s lips curve to a smile before he succeeded to turn it to some concerned looks.
” Let’s be honest Z. Is your gf still a virgin?” I needed to know everything and I usually ask things straight.
Z blushed obviously ” I think so, we broke up.” I was concerned about my brother but that girl was very special. Her dad was really worried about the guy his daughter chose as boyfriend and he didn’t let Z get too close to her before her 18th birthday. Heaven knows how many times I talked to him just to convince him my brother meant her no harm and he didn’t need to protect his daughter this much. At least I knew they didn’t have sex and his father wouldnt come to haunt me if my brother is a queer.

“You’re not gonna tell K,right? I wanna stay here, I will work and pay you. please let me stay.” I could see the terrified look in his eyes.
“Don’t worry for now, your secret is safe as long as you ask but K is your brother too and he’s not as bad as you think, he just wants to protect you, alright?” I wasnt much sure about what I was saying, K did care but he proved me at times that he was no fan of same-sex relationships.
“For the staying part…” I put my arm round Ace and pulled him close “I have no objection but it’s not all my house so you need his permission too.”
“It’s fine by me as long as you behave.” Ace said sweetly and well I already knew the answer but I had to show Z how things worked.
“One more thing”
“what?”
” You cant stay here for too long cos you have to go back to school and this town is not that gay-friendly and not really good for a young guy like you, the winters are long and you cant do much, you’ll be bored soon and you cant count on the flights to runaway when it starts snowing.”
“Ok.” Z smiled shyly and that was the boy I knew, so much like the little annoying brother except this guy was a man now.
I stepped out and pulled Ace with me.
“we have business to take care of so don’t bug us for at least an hour, then we can talk if you like.” I wanted to be there for him but he didn’t look like willing enough to talk besides he had asked some of the questions and he could find some answers on the internet, Ace was going away and I needed to refresh a few things before he was gone.
“Wait.” Ace stopped me in the middle.
“Sorry to ask this cos it’s your brother’s job and he didn’t ask. Ever been with a guy?” apparently Ace wanted to ask like the nosy brother.
“Not more than flirting.” Z was an obvious red. Silly this guy was so shameless to look inside everywhere and now he was blushing at a simple question.

“we can take care of our business later, I’m gonna make some coffee so we can talk a bit.” Ace said as he left for the kitchen.
“Hey I don’t want coffee, I want tea.” I ran after him cos I didn’t want to be left with my gay brother.
*****
It’s almost a day now since he almost came out and I’m happy he chose me and happier  he is in a good place and he has enough time to clear his mind, understand himself, love himself and become ready to look for his guy. Yet I’m not happy he finds it hot whenever me and Ace do things (simply touch and kiss, nothing more, what have you thought?).
I can feel happy for a while, not because he is gay, just because he was brave enough to let go of his girlfriend, I know she was hurt but I’m sure she can find someone a lot better than Z, she was so dammed beautiful even a pervert homosexual like Ace notices.
I don’t wanna push him to say or do things and I want him to move with his own pace; Ace is right, he is young and still there is the possibility of being just curious or thinking it’s cool to be gay so he has a month or two to think and sort things out. At least he has me and Ace whenever he has any question and well I think it’s pretty good to have someone from your family to chat. I didn’t have that option and though m granny is really cool and understanding we are from different generations and she could never really understand me or help me when dating guys.

I dunno if I am doing the right thing or not but I want to keep his secret until he is ready. There is nothing worse than outting someone when they need time to stay in their closet  a little longer.

I’m sorry if you are bored, writing things down helps me clear my mind and give things a second thought.

Kiss me on the lips bro

Note: Check this part first and the labels before reading, it’s not meant to fulfill a fantasy and actually it’s me dealing with my life as innocent as possible.

“Ace,you’ve been such a bad boy and I have to punish you. now open your mouth and take the whole sausage or I will be very mad.” I ordered Ace as he opened his mouth.
Baby girl was sitting in my lap and giggling at Ace while he struggled to swallow the sausage I just fed him, I could laugh at him too but there was lots of items on baby girl’s plate that I had to feed her so with the same tone I asked her to open her mouth and let the fork land there. She chewed a few times before swallowing the green beans.
“Open again, it’s an emergency flight” I begged her cos the carrots were almost falling.
She kept her mouth shut and the carrots fell on her skirt. I bit my lip to avoid saying shit. While I was busy cleaning the mess she opened her mouth to tell me she wouldn’t let another plane unless Ace open his big (hungry) mouth again. Holy fuck, Ace had finished his own plate and was invading mine and I had to feed him while I was starving myself, no way, even slaves had better lives.
“Listen baby girl, you’re gonna finish your dinner or you cant play with pinkie” she puffed and panted and sighed as I put her on Ace’s lap to do the hard work while I could eat something.
“Want me to feed you.” Ace said with a smirk and I had to mouth “shut up bitch”before filling my mouth with the leftovers.
“Hey Nate you can have mine, I’m not hungry and I wanna take a bath.” Z shouted  entering the bathroom. At least I wasnt starving tonight.
Five minutes later and Z was back in the room. “What’s in that locked wardrobe?” shamelessly he had looked inside almost everywhere except our bedroom.
“Come closer, I’ll tell you.” he put his ear near my mouth.
Baby girl shouted :” I want whisper”, I smiled foolishly at Ace who was staring with his big eyes, “Ok I’ll whisper something in your ear too” baby girl agreed and went on putting the carrots in Ace’s mouth.
“We keep our toys and porns there” I whispered in Z’s ear, the pushed him to a side to whisper something in baby girl’s ear. “we will go to park if you finish your dinner.” She smiled and stopped feeding Ace, and opened her mouth to be fed.
Z had gone to the bathroom and locked the door.
when I told Ace what I told Z he couldn’t stop laughing, the truth was since the day we moved in that closet stayed wet from some unknown water and we could never fix it so we gave up the idea of using it, locked it up and through the key away.
I took me 15 minutes to wash the dishes and get ready, meanwhile Ace and baby girl dressed and picked pinkie to come to the park, pinkie’s park actually.
Z stayed in the bathroom saying we had a very comfortable tub when Ace said we had a better one in our room and Z said he would try that later.
****
Baby girl found some friends to play with and gave us some time to chat with other parents and have some fun of our own. On the way back baby girl was so tired she fell asleep in my arms, with her eyes closed she’s an angel and I almost forget what a demon she can be with her eyes open.
We got inside using the back door cos I forgot to bring my keys and that’s the door always open, just locked when we’re outta town. Ace followed me to baby girl’s room making sure she wouldn’t wake up and I had no problem changing her clothes, I never have problem with that, I can change his clothes too while asleep.
The door of downstairs bathroom was open so probably Z was out again and I had to wait a few more hours before we could talk about what was bothering me for weeks now.
I heard Ace telling me not to worry as he nibbled at my ear. With the strange aroma in the air and his naughty hands moving over all my sensitive parts I decided to give in to his assaults and let myself have fun before the inevitable argument besides Ace was going outta town for another 4 days and this could be our last chance.
I unzipped his jeans and put my hand inside to touch  his cock that belonged  to me, I loved him more without the pants so there were less to struggle with.
He closed his eyes and I went on exploring his body while I was biting his nipples though I didnt like the taste of fiber on ‘em.
“Let’s go inside” he whispered trying to stop my hand before I made him blow his load right there.
“K, let me take you.” I said as I turned my back to him, giving him time to climb me, piggyback rides were the little fun we sometimes had.
I admit he’s at least 40lbs heavier than me but I’m a tough guy for short distances. I followed the strange aroma to our room with Ace on my back. we were ready to get rid of our clothes and make love as soon as we stepped inside.
“Z what the hell are you doing in our room?” I almost dropped Ace on the floor and he had to grab me hard to avoid hitting the floor. The curtains were down and the room was lit with some of Ace’s favorite candles and in the middle of the room my shameless brother was trying to polish his toenails.

me, a bed and a guy

I put my lips on his and flick out my tongue to taste the blood on his lip leaking from my earlier bite; he hisses and whines as I sink my teeth into his neck and scratch his throbbing cock with one hand and pinching his nipple with the other. He sucks in air as the pain go through his nervous system.
-”So was it all about this?” I let go of his neck and start licking his earlobe. He moans quietly. I put my hands on his back, feeling all his muscles there and kiss him on th lips, long and aggressive before he pushes me on the bed, lying on top of me.
“It was about this and hell of other things.” he kisses me on the cheek and lay his head on the pillow beside mine, his body still pinning me to bed. we lay there for a while feeling the heartbeats and smelling each other.

When I open my eyes, there’s still sun out there but the clocks shows the hours we just laid there and slept. I push him to one side and head to the bathroom.
“where ya going?”
-”Pee, wanna join?”
“yep”
I leave the door ajar and he joins me within a few seconds, streams of pee hit the toilet, I flush and pulling him by his cock to wash it with my own hands, I like whatever I suck to be clean.
He pulls me to another kiss before pushing me back to the bedroom, he grabs the lube on his way out.
I jumped on the bed and grab my pillow to hide my naked body.
-”what then?”
“you tell me, I have my own plans but wanna hear yours too.”
-”a little cuddling and see what happens next?”
“what about you lying on your back and spreading your legs?”
-”what will I get?”
“a good fuck”
-”ok, but promise first.” I lie on the bed and hold my ankles.
“promise what?”
-”be gentle, it really hurts.”
“Fine, now put your feet on my shoulders.” I obey and within a few seconds I’m shivering by the cold touch of lube, he has his first finger in my hole and is adding the second, then third.
-”Stay there” I beg him as he tries to pull his fingers out, he keeps his fingers there for a while then I feel the fingers leave my hole and he starts lubing his cock generously, I close my eyes and wait, I feel his mushroom head against my hole, I bite my lower lip and try to relax and wishing it wouldn’t take too long.

I feel his lips on my hard nipples and his hand on my cock, he licks his way up till he reaches my ear, his cock still waiting at the entrance.
“Relax, baby. Relax, you know I wont hurt you so just relax, take a deep breath and let me fuck you hard and good.”
I huddle my legs and roll to the other side of the bed.
-”what about me fucking you?”
“don’t even think about it.”
he comes and sits by my side putting his arm round me. I stare at his semi-hard cock before leaning forward to put it in my mouth, a few hard sucks and it’s like steel again, I lick the pre-cum before holding it in my hand.
-”this monster frightens me” I hold his balls and suck his cock.
Now I can feel his fingers running through my wavy hair. I stop, think for a second time and then push him on his back and wrap my fingers round his neck pretending to strangle him.
-”let me take it on my own terms, ok?”
he nods, reaching for the lube and giving it to me.
I take my time to lube his cock the way I like thinking of the lube I ate several minutes ago and actually I didn’t like the taste.
At last he looks ready, I take a deep breath and straddle him, kissing him on his lips before letting him guide his cock as i lower my body touching the tip of his cock. I take one long breath and sit on his erect monster supporting my body on my hands. he’s fully inside and the pain is killing me, he wraps his arms round my torso and keep me steady, I put my arms round his neck and hold him tight, whimpering quietly resting my head on my own hands.
I really don’t wanna move thinking there will be more pain, he gives me as much as time I need to adjust and after what seems an hour I start riding him and the pain subsides as I take deeper breath.
At last we change positions and move back to missionary to let him fuck him hard and he comes at last and it seems he comes forever making me come too.
he collapses on me and we fall asleep.

And thanks to the one who invented rings for doors or baby girl would have seen something that there was no way to explain.
and thanks to Ace for letting me write it cos I’m feeling a bit blank these days and I hate going through some old stories.

Goodbye Mr. The other man

Today I waved Ron goodbye, hopefully the last time to meet him.
It’s hard to admit but Ace was right and Ron was straighter than my granny and  now he’s gone.
Yesterday I spent a while telling my sister-in-law about all the encounters I had with Ron, she knew ‘em all and didn’t care so practically I made an ass of myself.
At least she told me they never had sex cos he was her baby (baby in the sense I call baby girl) and he wasn’t gay, not even bi cos he had a girlfriend back in his hometown and he was going back there cos he had saved enough money in the last year to buy his own place.
I was ready to shoot him last night and in such a big land like AK it’s pretty easy to get rid of bodies and let the animals eat them, that was just an idea!
The most I did was talking to Ron and begging him to confirm whatever sis-in-law said.
And I’m feeling 500% stupid, used, abused, insulted and mentally raped.It was just my own mistake trying to be nice to everyone and believe whatever they do.
I repeated his words all the way back home making me feel worst than ever. he never fancied any other guy before or after meeting me, he just wanted to know how it was like to get in my pants cos Ace did it and pretty enjoyed it. I simply wanted to die. This was my worst crush on a straight man I guess.

Call me silly cos no-one ever does such an obvious mistake, I don’t care, you can even beat me BUT he’s gone forever.
The best thing was that Ace joined me at the airport to make sure he was gone. To my own surprise he kissed me and held my hand all the way back to the truck, something he rarely did back in Boston in front of so many people.

And I have to change cos I behave very badly, like a 14 yr old teen or worse like a slut. I’m a tease, no doubt but I gotta realize that I’m too old for being such things and as a dad and a husband I have hell of responsibilities.

Today is the 3rd month of being married and the last month our relationship went downhill. We need lots of effort to fix it, hopefully we can.
I think me & Ace done enough damage to what was once a marriage now a civil union. The words don’t matter anymore when you can’t communicate all day and at nights you sleep on your side.
It’s so unfair to say this but back in Boston things were a lot better, we had many friends, we had lots of place to go together, we drove our neighbors nuts by the never ending squeaking sound of the bed; here I miss every thing, it’s sill but I miss all the trees in Common, I miss all the shops, I miss the ocean, I miss my granny and friends, I miss my job cos this job is so dull and I miss the sex, the best we had in the last 14-15 days was a 69.
I’m really selfish cos I cant see the fact that he’s happier, baby girl is happier and there are hell of other things in life more important than shopping clothes and spending nights out with my gay friends. I will used to the new circumstances or I have to.
Let’s Stop hurting each other for a while!

The other…man

Ace looked at me like I was an alien when he came in from the shopping, and saw me grabbing my jacket. “Where are you going?”
I realized I hadn’t told him about the party, only that I had to cancel. “Office Party; I’d forgotten about it.” I shrugged. “Don’t have anything better to do tonight.”
The hurt look on Ace’s face confused me, but I didn’t have the time to try to figure out his mood; I was already going to be late. I laughed at the random thought that I might actually meet Ron, and I grinned. “Don’t wait up.” I was sure I’d be home by ten.
The party was, as predicted, a complete slosh fest. It was a good thing I wasn’t fond of alcohol. I ended up having to take four of my co-workers home. They lived all over town, so I didn’t make it back home until after one in the morning. I walked in to find Ace sitting in his briefs, looking bleary-eyed at the TV, with a mostly empty bottle of beer on the table. The way his head moved, I knew he was smashed.
I sighed as he looked up at me, and I took off my coat. “What’re you doing, Ace?”
He sniffed at me. “Waiting up.”
That was obvious, but what I really wanted to know was why. “Yeah, I can see that.” It didn’t look like he’d been crying, but I suspected once I’d settled down some place, I’d have a wet shoulder again. “Mind if I get out of these things?”
He shook his head, and wobbled a little, so I went back to my room to change. Formal clothes sucked; I was going to change into an old T and some sweats. If he threw up, nothing would be ruined. It took me a moment to realize that Ace was standing in the doorway, watching me as I changed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what? That I had an office party?” I shrugged. “I told you; I forgot.”
“No.” He wobbled a little, and looked more upset. “Why didn’t you tell me Ron is here?”
I froze. I didn’t want an irrational drunk on my hands. Fuck, why hadn’t I seen that coming? I hedged. “What are you talking about, Ace? What makes you think I must tell you about who lives here and who doesn’t? Besides I didn’t know myself till this morning.”
He turned, took a couple steps to the kitchen table, “Not about everyone but him.”
“And what makes him so important?”
“Cos he kissed you.”
I was in the denial sense so I just said:”What makes you think like that?”
“This.” he opened his hand and showed me my cellphone I couldn’t find back in the afternoon.
I pulled up my sweats and walked out to take a look. On the screen was the little picture of me with Ron’s arms wrapped tightly around me and his face close enough for a kiss.
He glared angrily at me; yeah, he’d liquored up enough to unhinge the emotional doors. “I’m not stupid. You can’t find any excuse. I saw more than that picture and you were too busy you didn’t even hear me calling you when I got home.”
For me it was like a surreal nightmare. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of someone seeing us. I was so screwed. I was looking at him in horror when he turned around.
Tears were running down his face. “You keep telling me we’re best friends, lovers, partners and hell of stupid things, and I don’t even know who you are.”
God that hurt. When Ace unhinged, his heart was on his sleeve. The pain in his voice wasn’t from what I did; it was from my hiding it from him. I couldn’t meet the hurt in his eyes, so I looked at the floor. “I’m sorry.”
He practically yelled at me. “I don’t care if you’re sorry! I want to know why!” Ace seldom got loud, even when he was drunk, and his outburst caught me off guard.
“Why what? Why I kissed him?” I was getting pissed. “I don’t know, Ace. I didn’t want to, I didn’t even know he was back. He just came outta nowhere. He kissed me, I didn’t. It meant nothing!”
He looked down. “You could have told me.”
He was such a hypocritical prick. I waved at him as my frustration built. I had no idea I’d even been frustrated until it hit me; at that point, I couldn’t stop myself. “You never tell anyone anything, Ace! Unless you’re drunk! When you do finally start talking, I can’t tell what you’re saying half the time because when you’re liquored up enough to say anything you’re slurring!” I paused to think a bit “And you promised me never ever get drunk again, didn’t you?”
He looked like he was going to spit something back at me, but I stepped in and snarled, “What would have been the point? You’d have just thought the way you like without listening to me anyway!”
He suddenly looked like he was going to be sick. I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the bathroom. He didn’t throw up, but he didn’t look all that steady. I’d had enough. He knew, so what? I couldn’t talk with him while he was shit-faced. Yanking back the shower curtain, I cranked on the cold water and hefted him in. “You want to talk? Get your white ass sober, and I’ll think about it!”
He called me everything he could think of, and a lot of things that weren’t words, as I chilled the drunk out of him. The bathroom floor and I were soaked when he finally stopped fighting me.
He was shivering and mumbling “enough” when I shut off the shower. God he looked miserable, and I felt guilty. The shower had chilled out my anger as well. I pulled him out and he kind of melted against me while he shivered. I wrapped him up in a towel, roughly dried him off, and guided him back to the couch. “I’ll make some coffee.”
Ace watched silently from the couch, in his soaked briefs and the towel, as I made a big pot and brought out the first mugs. He looked a lot more alert, and a lot sadder. We drank down our first mugs in silence. I didn’t need the coffee, I was wound up enough, but it was easier to have him mimic me than try and force him to drink alone.
“How are you feeling,” I asked. Any conversation was better than nothing.
“Like my head’s full of cotton; not drunk, but not hung yet.” He winced a little and then frowned at me. “You’re a bastard, you know that?”
I grinned. “Yeah, you said that in the shower.”
He looked back at his mug. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to shout at you.Just look at things from my point, you come home and find your partner nowhere than another guy’s arms”
Sighing, he lifted his mug. “Bartender, give me a double?”
I grinned. “Sure.”
He sipped the mug after I handed it back, and cradled it in his hands. He wasn’t shivering any more. “I guess I’ve been trying to get you to tell me but you found another excuse to go out on your own.”
“It wasn’t an excuse, I had to go.”
“Was he there too?”
I got up to get myself some water as I nodded at him.
The next second he was standing right behind me pressing me hard to the fridge. “So tell me what happened there?”
“Nothing.” I pushed my nails into his palms and he let me go.
Inside the fridge was my favorite chocolates waiting for me.
“Hershey’s kisses, oh my God. Where do you get it from?”
I was touched. I’d never expected him to spend time trying to find me things like chocolates. “I really love these.” I unwrapped one and put it in my mouth.
Nodding, he took another sip of his coffee. His eyes never left me. “So, are you going to tell me why?”
“Why.” I stuck my chocolate covered tongue at him.
He set down his cup and stared at me. “I’ve spent all night worrying that if you were hiding this, that maybe you were hiding other stuff too. I’m scared,Nate. You’ve always told me about the love, trust and respect we need to stay together and now I’m not sure I can trust you.”
I looked at my hands. “Do you remember all the good times we had together? All the things I told you about my past?”
He grinned. “Yeah.”
I swallowed my chocolate and tried to meet his eyes. “There’s nothing between me and him, believe me.”
“Never done anything with him?”
I opened my mouth to say “never” but I hate lying to him, I bit my lips before saying “Once gave him a handjob, that was all.”
That seemed to blind-side him. He stared at me, and I could see the “Ace security wall” come up. “How dare you?”
I stood up. “That’s why I never told you. It wasn’t that I didn’t value our friendship, Ace. You’re my best friend, my partner, my lover and I do love you. But you don’t wanna see the reality.” He continued to stare in silence. I wasn’t going to get anything more out of him at that point. “I’m going to bed. If you want to talk more later, cool.”
I left him sitting on the couch being distant-Ace. The moment the discussion had turned to something really worth-talking, like the fact that he could look at things differently, he’d shut down. There was no way I was going to explain things to him. It took me forever to get to sleep; I kept worrying about what was going to happen. I woke mid-morning to find Ace sleeping on his side of bed. I got outta bed and left the room grabbing  some clothes and my laptop.
I crawled inside baby girl’s room and thought of sleeping by her side but looked impossible without waking her up so I just left her sleep sweetly.
I spent a while sitting motionless on the sofa and thinking of nothing then felt tired and thought of taking some sleeping pills and get some sleep, later I changed my mind.

So after 4 fucking hours I’m still awake and waiting for him to wake up. I wish all happened yesterday was one silly story popped outta my mind and I could add a good fuck and end it happily, shit that sounds impossible. If only I knew who was writing my story.
Now the sun is spreading his weak rays to win the night, I have this feeling I really don’t wanna talk to him unless he tries to see things my way, I’m going out for a walk, this sofa is so uncomfortable.
***********************************
No matter how hard I try to keep my life anonymous and write nothing much here, there are times it looks so impossible.
A few may know about the other man in my life, for those who doesn’t know:
Ron was my co-worker while I lived  here with my ex. I never paid much attention to him till he caught me and my now partner (husband?!) kissing at the backyard of my office. Being still married and living in a very small town not very gay-friendly we didn’t want anyone know about the feelings we had so we bribed Ron anyway we could to keep his mouth shut. I dunno why when or how but he had a crush on me while I had a bigger crush on Ace. I ignored Ron and he moved on.
Cutting the long story short, somehow he told me about his feelings and I stopped being his friend, later he got back outta nowhere hurt and miserable from the only boyfriend he found himself and me being very mad at Ace, I met him at Logan and gave him a handjob in a public toilet and that was all before things got very serious between me and Ace and we decided to get married. Anyhow, Ron came back to Boston for the wedding and he stayed, and I helped him as a friend, I even asked him to join my team and he accepted but when Ace found out he made me get rid of him and I even escorted him to the airport making sure he was outta our lives.
And yesterday he was back and I was too shocked to stop him from kissing me.
It’s all silly how hard Ace try to keep him away from me and he keeps on coming back. It’s not really my fault someone else has a crush on me. I’m not that special but wtf I had my own crushes on straight guys and I just shut my mouth and disappeared. The least Ron could do was disappearing for the sake of our friendship.
Sometimes Ace pisses me off with not listening to me. It’s ridiculous when it’s ok seeing me kissing, hugging and sometimes flirting with other guys but when they want to respond he gets all possessive, jealous and protective.
To me homosexual relationships are not mostly about being monogamous and cheating doesn’t mean the same as it is to others. When my partner knows about the other one then it’s not cheating.
I’m tired of waiting so I’m going for a walk with the sun shining brightly.Whatever Ace wants to think, let him think. He gotta be mad at his own sister for letting Ron live with her pretending to be her (20 years younger) boyfriend when she knows he’s gay. I’m just so surprised how she didn’t tell the truth to her brother.
I’m just tired of my life looking like a boring stupid soap, it sucks & I need a happy ending.
I guess I leave him a note to check my blog cos I’m not in the mood of explaining.
Question: How can I get rid of someone who had a crush on me?!

Shut up fag

Chatting aimlessly (aimless for me cos I was waiting for dinner and had nothing to do) with Jay about random things, we reached the point that he simply told me to shut up, that wasn’t a nice thing to be told when you’re not expecting it. I felt a bit offended but giving it a second thought I think he was very polite not to tell me “fuck off or shut your fucking mouth up”.
I think lately I’m crossing other people’s lines easily without thinking about it and I just go “yeah that’s cool to say whatever crap I like and expect others to accept it.”.
Now I can see why Ace is so quiet round others, pinching me and whispering in disagreement, I have a very sharp tongue opposing others, challenging everything just because I feel I’m 100% right. NAH, very wrong I am.
So I’m sitting on the patio in this freaking cold weather, eating cornflakes and reviewing my own reactions happened the day before and now I can see things a bit clear. You can change laws by force but you can’t change people’s beliefs that way.

There’s something very weird about this town, it’s like home and it’s like a new start every morning. I’ve made very big decisions and faced hell of new challenges here like marrying my long-time best friend, buying my very own house, acting like a responsible familyman, losing a very lovely baby girl, falling in love with the guy I hardly have anything in common, divorcing my baby’s mom and realizing I cant stop life no matter how hard I try and I can name a lot more.

Now I’m back here and I’m just feeling like the first day I stepped on this mysterious rough land. I’m not the guy I was 2 years ago but still I’m too stubborn to accept that I made big mistakes as much as others did.

I was very disappointed with my friends but I guess they felt worse. I was back to somewhere I never truly felt like home and he looked happy seeing his sister again so she decided to throw a party for the newly-wed guys, very nice of her.
I think I’ve mentioned before but I’m just reviewing things. Me and my ex were room-mates back in school time. She was this very cool nice kind room-mate, I was lucky to have and it was a creepy small place so there was this clear rule “NO sex at home”.
I was this very naive 18yr old kid, miles away from home and just trying to figure out how much gayness I had in my blood so one night stands were just a hobby. As far as I can remember my ex had a boyfriend at that time but I cant remember well cos of the rule we had.
We were pretty good room-mates just minding our own business and ignoring the other and we had piles of thick books always waiting for us. I’m not sure how it happened but it happened and we became best friends talking about anything and everything. After a while we decided to move to a bigger cleaner place and very randomly I asked her out and I dunno why we called it a date. The following years were pretty the same for her, focusing on her books and trying to finish her university; randomly she introduced me to her parents as her boyfriend just to keep her mom off her back so she had reasons to stay away from her family and she was very faithful to me.
On the other hand I had a lot to discover, officially she was my girlfriend but I was still seeing other people specially guys. I was on a crazy roller coaster with a sick mind trying to figure things out my own way, trying anything and everything and proving nothing than the fact I couldn’t end my life, attempted suicide twice, spent a while in a hospital and then things went pretty smooth as she remained my best and only friend.
I dunno when or how but I fell in love with her, I wanted her cos she was a good listener, my feelings for her where just emotional, surely we tried it physically but she wasn’t the one I fancied.
She knew she was just one dear friend to me but I dunno why she wanted more outta our relation. I loved kids but having one of my own was a nightmare besides there was a high risk of inheriting those twisted genes and I really didnt want another OC kid in the family beside myself.
On a daily basis we almost had no sex and if had, I was so careful not to get her pregnant and I thought she was as careful as me, even more. I was really wrong, she wanted a baby with me.
I tried really hard to make her get rid of the baby, I begged her, threatened her, did whatever I could, even left her but she kept the baby.
It was a very tough 5 months till she called and told me the baby born a month early, that’s one bad thing happening to a kid. I did prayed for her death and it was a weird feeling cos I sorta don’t follow any thing called religion.
After a while she and the baby went home and I decided remain the biological dad and live my own life. I started very straight, then somehow I couldnt resist sleeping with some hot guys, then I got tired and felt very ashamed thinking religion was the only way I could survive (this wasn’t my own discovery, actually someone made me look at the world that way and accept that homosexuality was a big a sin.)

Cutting the long story short, after 6 months I made my mind to embrace life as straightly as I could. To my own surprise she let me back in her life but she was leaving my lovely Boston to start a new life in an icy hell aka Alaska and I just followed her, determined to be her Mr. Right and a good dad.

I wasn’t too sure of my ability to stay monogamous and faithful so I thought making a strong bond like a marriage would make me keep my vows.
There was no party no cake, just me, my ex, her parents and a friend of mine.

And a new life started, I earned pretty good, we had a happy family and it was just getting used to the rough weather. Being Alaska and living in a small city I really had no chance of finding a fuck buddy so me and my ex focused on something else, a new baby. 2 babies could keep me very busy.

After a while I got bored, there was nowhere to go, no Fenway, No nightclub, No gay bar, Not even a gay couple, nothing.
I started flirting with random women just to stop thinking about guys, soon I got bored and again there was me and one dirty friend, Internet. Chatting on-line looked pretty fine, no harm to her, no harm to me.
The more me and my ex lived together, the less common things we found, her mom really hated me and I wasn’t anything close to her prince charming, I had the money , I’m not that ugly and I loved baby girl but she was tired of all my manic and depressive moods and with long cold boring winters here I really couldnt get rid of my depression easily. We had endless arguments, yet we tried to look like the perfect family round our friends, she wanted everything perfect and I was really tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
After 6 months watching her getting fatter with the little baby in her womb I asked her to just get outta town and have some fun in a bigger city. I wanted to make her happy and sorta I wanted to meet the guy I’d been chatting with for a while.
It was one of the worst trips of my life I really dont wanna remember, in the shortest way I can say, we lost the little baby and somehow the bond that kept me and my ex together broke.
I may look indifferent when hearing about someone’s death but it’s exactly the opposite. I’ve lost very wonderful people in my life that I wasn’t the kinda person to give my ex some hope to move on. I really needed a push myself and I couldn’t understand why on earth I had to lose my closest ones so easily.
To my own surprise I didn’t fall in my depressive mood but the opposite so I pretty ignored my ex and tried to know my e-guy better.
after a while I found a job in the city he lived (still Alaska) and made my family move with me, he moved in too.
I was never seriously & emotionally engaged with another guy. I wanted him as a family member but to him I was just a fuck buddy.Breaking up with him was one of the hardest things in my life and it wasn’t a good experience.
We went back to the little town she loved and tried to start again, I really tried my best but there was no end to our arguments, still she tried to pretend we were one happy family.
I was so determined to have a normal family and play straight after being dumped by my ex-boyfriend or the other way round, I can say I tried really hard to be a good dad and a good husband but things didnt go well.
I digress, among her friends there was this 40ish woman she was really close that I can say she was my ex’s best friend, let’s call her G.
G had a brother who lived in a village near Bering sea, I’d met him a few times but never tried to know him cos he was mysteriously silent and quiet and really not interested in anything I liked.
I don’t remember why he decided to stay a while with his sister; I just know I had to keep his company while the girls were having some fun. He was boringly minding his own business so most of the times I ignored him and did whatever I felt like doing but somehow I got used to his presence.
Me and my ex still had lots of fights and arguments and divorce was something to be mentioned every now and then , yet we tried to remain as a family.

I really can’t say why I fell in love with him, we just went fishing, digging holes and talking about random things and it just happened like the most natural thing in the world, we kissed and since then I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
***********
I’m all numb sitting in the cold for so long and this wasn’t really the kinda thing I wanted to say. Whatever surely you can guess the rest and I will find another time writing what I wanted to say, I’m going inside!

Missing parts of my puzzle

*. this is not a story, this is just me clearing my mind and get rid of some old memories

I really had enough of all the shit surrounding me, Ok I accept I’m one lucky proud guy who’s not thankful to anyone and anything but wtf, that’s me.
I’m tired of all this headache, I have tried as many pills I could think of but nothing got better.
I have this not very pleasant pain in each and every particle making my body and I really don’t know how to start.
There’s this fact I can’t deny, you attract people of your own kind. So having plenty of jerkass friends in my life means definitely I’m one of them.

I have no idea where to start but I really need it off my chest.
I never had many girlfriends, thinking more carefully I can say there was just one I truly loved and we lived together for a good 5-6 years beside knowing each other for more than 8 years. For the boyfriend part, I had plenty I really loved but all of ‘em(except one) were real assholes or better say we were just fuck buddies, nothing really nice when you want to love someone and expect him to love you pretty the same way.
Now that I look back I see it wasn’t all their fault when I wasn’t this gentleman myself. I could never be Mr. right for anyone when I pretty tried many things. I used to blame everything on having bipolar disorder but to be fair I enjoyed that life, I enjoyed doing not very pleasant things and I was never monogamous so all I can say is that I was a lucky bitch, it’s a miracle I have no STD.
…………..
I attempted suicide 4 times that means I’m no big fan of living a long life, my worst nightmare was celebrating my 25th birthday that I did and since then I pretty gave up trying to end my life, so I decided to change. I cant say I was successful but at least I tried, I tried many things like learning about other religions, trying to love others no matter what color they are, giving up any addiction and having a straight family of my own.
The results wasn’t what I expected. I’m not atheist but I don’t follow any religion unfortunately and there’s this very big gap in my soul I can’t fill. I still don’t like Asians, Africans and Afro-Americans but I’m a big fan of people living in North pole.
The one thing I never truly tried to change was my attraction to guys. Surely I lied a lot but I never denied how I felt about other guys. I dunno, probably if I accepted the reality and stopped trying to be bisexual, things could be better.
Fortunately or unfortunately I married a woman, the only woman I thought I loved beside my own family. Honestly I don’t know why we did it cos she knew I wouldn’t change and I didn’t want to have a monogamous life with her. she was a very good friend but sex was always boring we pretty avoid it as much as we could and I wanted to find a Mr. Right.
…………………………..
3 years ago I could imagine my own funeral but having a baby girl and trying to be her dad were things I never thought of.
I dunno insisting to have her custody was the right thing to do but her mom didn’t want her since the time I decided to see my own baby and be her dad. (For the first 6 months of her life, I hated her so much the only thing that could make me happy was her death and ridiculously I prayed for that, thanks hell nobody listened to me!)
…………….
I tried really hard not to judge my ex, not to hate her, not to bitch about her but I really cant do it anymore. I risked his love to bring my baby’s mom back to her life and now I can see why he hates her so much, he has very good reasons.
I hadn’t talked to her for a long time but I needed to tell her how much she was missed in the little girl’s life and how sad she looks seeing other babies having their moms around so i called her again and again till she answered. It was really short but she said whatever she wanted in a 5-page letter neatly written and scanned.
it’s so silly but I’m not feeling angry anymore.
hhhhhmmmm it’s hard to say but she was never the normal mom worrying about her baby when she’s sick, hungry…., she always wanted her to act like grown-ups telling me I spoil her, I didn’t and I can say she’s more mature then me in many ways.
I think for the first time in my life I have to retreat and accept that she cant have a mom like many other kids. I wont tell her that her mom never wanted her and I wait till she’s old enough to realize it herself. The thing that I really cant understand is the obvious paradox in what she said and what she did. As much as I want to say lots of bad things about her, I cant, I dunno why, may be I still love her as a good friend who knows.
Whatever I keep my mouth shut and say nothing, at least I’m feeling a lot better now.
……………………………….
As he said last night, for the first time since we fell in love I want to let him decide cos I really don’t want to have arguments like the one we had last night or our neighbors will really call the police next time.
I got our passports yesterday but I’m gonna cancel the booked tickets and put all my energy on selling our home and saving money.
I dunno whether I’m too extravagant or he’s too stingy or something else, he thinks having a bigger home in a more proper location is more important than an expensive honeymoon, besides my ex’s lawyer contacted me and told me she wanted to give my apartment back (sorta feeling guilty I guess or my parents scared her in her dreams :-p).
So I let him decide this time after he promised to give me some money for a honeymoon even without him!
I dunno if I’m doing the right thing or not, I hope I do.
I really want to forget my ex and start a new life with him and baby girl, having two dads can be fun.
He suggested going back to Alaska for a little fun after finishing my project, I think I can finish it today so probably with a good luck and finding tickets we’ll spend the coming days in the land of ice and snow.
Spending all last night looking at albums, crying and burning photos, I think I miss there a bit besides I never had time to see his little hut and I think it’s time to see his place.
………………………………….
4.5.06 I married the mother of my lovely baby girl, it was a life of its own with its experiences and lessons.
4.5.08 I’m still married but to someone I truly love. The more I think, the more I want to spend tomorrow feeling miserable in a plane than thinking about 2 years ago.
sometimes we have to bury old memories and move on, I guess at last I managed to do that (a bit).

Define happiness please

*.sometimes I really need another point of view to look at my life!

I could feel his warm breath on my neck and the weight of his body on my own, sorta pinned to the bed and thinking and reviewing my entire day, every single word I said was repeating in my mind over and over again.

He grabbed my hands in his own and started licking my nipples, my body always reacts in the most natural ways that is when he’s working his way; my other head thinks his own way no matter what my brain says.

He sucked harder, left, right, left bringing those little nipples back to life, erect and seeking for more attention, he stopped for a few seconds before licking all his way down to my cock, I held his hands tightly trying to bring him back to where he was a few minutes ago, a little struggle and he was sleeping on my stomach again with his head resting near mine.

“Don’t you want to sleep?” he whispered.

“Not now”

I paused a little then went on:”she won’t call, will she?”

There was a long silence, it’s always like that when I ask questions I already know the answers.

“Do you want to know what her dad said?” I asked without thinking.

“Tell me if you like.” he kissed me gently before rolling to his side.

I wanted to tell him all day, it was bugging me and I really had to share it with him, he was my partner in life and everything and nothing.

I went on without hesitation telling him everything, every single word my ex’s dad told me earlier. he just listened nodding his head and running his fingers through my hair every now and then. I felt a lot better when finished,  he just smiled, kissed me  long and deep before saying:”now close your eyes and sleep cos I dunno what you really want to hear.”

I turned to my side and closed my eyes thinking about the coming days.

Half an hour later I was still awake and he was snoring, I bit his ear before shaking him to wake up.

“What the fuck…………” he stopped shouting to look at the clock, then realizing how early it was he whispered :”why the hell you don’t sleep?”

“Ask your sister to talk to her?” I begged.

“she’s your sister-in-law now, call her yourself and tell her whatever you want, she’s still awake.” he disappeared under the blanket.

*********

I called my sister-in-law and he couldn’t pretend to be asleep so he did most of the talking cos I’m not too comfortable with his sister, she’s still my ex’s best friend.

The more I think the worse I feel. Now I think he’s right, she won’t call me like all the previous times.

Now I’m planning the honeymoon for 3 of us and stop being the selfish dad, I dunno how to feel, probably I wanted to get rid of her somehow with good intentions.

Without her the whole trip will be cheaper and we can have more private time together besides she can spend 2 weeks with her mom.

But she won’t call , I’m pretty sure now.

So there won’t be no mother-daughter quality time for her, no private time for her daddy and his partner but we will have a nice time, I know it.

**************

While talking to the little girl’s grandfather he mentioned missing both of us, not so bad for sure and well me and him always got on pretty well so I can say I miss him too.

He asked me if I were happy and I asked him how he defined happiness. It’s a very relative word.

I think I’m happy but I’m not sure others see things the way I see.

Today is my 50 day of my marriage, not really long but I have this feeling that it will last pretty long.

I dunno how to define happiness but I know I’m very lucky to have him and I’m so blessed to have her custody though I used to feel a bit guilty, I’m getting used to the thought her mom doesn’t want her at all (but she may come back one day, who knows?!)

Looking for a proper place to live (advices are welcome)

One of the few things me and him can never agree on is where to live.

We met in Alaska and he really loves that place though not Alaskan, he really enjoys all the stuff they do.

Alaska has very beautiful sceneries but when you live there it turns to a real hell, no road to drive, always waiting for a bloody plane to take you to Anchorage …., I really hate that place and I’m very comfy here in Bay state but he doesn’t like here much so we decided to move to somewhere we both agree .

we had 48 states to go but I suggested living somewhere outta states so we thought and thought and thought and we came to the point that moving to non-English speaking countries gonna be a big trouble cos he’s too old to learn a new language!

So i searched the English speaking countries thinking they cant be too many and I was wrong. Here’s the list!

Sovereign states

Rank	Country	Continent	Population
1	India	Asia	1,103,600,000
2	United States	North America	300,007,997
3	Pakistan	Asia	162,419,946
4	Nigeria	Africa	128,771,988
5	Philippines	Asia	87,857,473
6	United Kingdom	Europe	60,441,457
7	South Africa	Africa	44,344,136
8	Sudan	Africa	36,992,490
9	Kenya	Africa	33,829,590
10	Canada	North America	32,300,000
11	Uganda	Africa	27,269,482
12	Ghana	Africa	21,029,853
13	Australia	Oceania	20,800,000
14	Madagascar	Africa	19,280,000
15	Cameroon	Africa	16,380,005
16	Zimbabwe	Africa	12,746,990
17	Malawi	Africa	12,158,924
18	Zambia	Africa	11,261,795
19	Rwanda	Africa	8,440,820
20	Sierra Leone	Africa	6,017,643
21	Papua New Guinea	Oceania	5,545,268
22	Singapore	Asia	4,425,720
23	Ireland	Europe	4,130,700
24	New Zealand	Oceania	4,108,561
25	Liberia	Africa	3,482,211
26	Jamaica	North America	2,731,832
27	Namibia	Africa	2,030,692
29	Lesotho	Africa	1,867,035
30	Botswana	Africa	1,640,115
31	The Gambia	Africa	1,593,256
32	Mauritius	Africa	1,230,602
33	Swaziland	Africa	1,173,900
34	Trinidad and Tobago	America	1,088,644
35	Fiji	Oceania	893,354
36	Guyana	South America	765,283
37	Solomon Islands	Oceania	538,032
38	Malta	Europe	398,534
39	The Bahamas	America	301,790
40	Belize	Central America	279,457
41	Barbados	America	279,254
42	Vanuatu	Oceania	205,754
43	Saint Lucia	America	166,312
44	Saint Vincent and the Grenadines	America	117,534
45	Micronesia	Oceania	108,105
46	Kiribati	Oceania	103,092
47	Grenada	America	89,502
48	Seychelles	Africa	81,188
49	Dominica	America	69,029
50	Antigua and Barbuda	America	68,722
51	Marshall Islands	Oceania	59,071
52	Saint Kitts and Nevis	America	38,958
53	Palau	Oceania	20,303
54	Nauru	Oceania	13,528

Non-sovereign entities

Rank	Entity	Continent	Population
1	Hong Kong	Asia	6,898,686
2	Puerto Rico	America	3,912,054
28	Kosovo	Europe	2,000,000
3	Guam	Oceania	108,708
4	U.S. Virgin Islands	America	108,708
5	Jersey	Europe	88,200
6	Northern Mariana Islands	Oceania	80,801
7	Isle of Man	Europe	75,049
8	Bermuda	America	65,365
9	Guernsey	Europe	65,228
10	American Samoa	Oceania	64,869
11	Cayman Islands	America	44,270
12	Gibraltar	Europe	27,884
13	British Virgin Islands	America	22,643
14	Cook Islands	Oceania	21,388
15	Turks and Caicos Islands	America	20,556
16	Anguilla	America	13,254
17	Montserrat	America	9,341
18	Saint Helena	Africa	7,460
19	Falkland Islands	South America	2,967
20	Norfolk Island	Oceania	1,828
21	Christmas Island	Oceania	1,600
22	Niue	Oceania	1,600
23	Tokelau	Oceania	1,400
24	Tristan da Cunha	Africa	273
25	Pitcairn Islands	Oceania	67

so we have 78 choices and I’ve never heard of many of them *~*

Tough job, so I looked for another list that is countires that respect same-sex couples.

so here’s another list

Legal recognition of same-sex relationships
Same-sex marriage
Belgium
Canada
Netherlands
South Africa
Spain
Recognized in some regions
United States (MA)

Foreign marriages recognized
Aruba
Israel
Neth. Antilles
United States (NM, NY, RI)

Civil unions and registered partnerships
Andorra
Czech Republic
Denmark
Finland
France
Germany
Hungary (1 Jan 2009)
Iceland
Luxembourg
New Zealand
Norway
Slovenia
Sweden
Switzerland
United Kingdom
Uruguay

Recognized in some regions
Argentina (C, R)
Australia (TAS, Sydney, Melbourne)
Brazil (RS)
Mexico (Coah., DF)
United States (CA, CT, DC, HI, ME, NH, NJ, OR, VT, WA)
Unregistered co-habitation
Australia
Austria
Brazil
Colombia
Croatia
Israel
Portugal
Recognition debated
Argentina
Austria
Australia (ACT, VIC)
Brazil
Chile
PRC
Colombia
Costa Rica
Croatia
Cuba
Estonia
Ecuador
Faroe Islands
Greece
Ireland
Italy
Jersey
Latvia
Liechtenstein
Lithuania
Poland
Romania
Slovakia
ROChina
United States
(IA, IL, MD, NM, NY, RI)
Recognition granted, same-sex marriage debated
France
Hungary
Iceland
New Zealand
Norway
Portugal
Sweden
United Kingdom
United States (CA, CT, DC, HI, ME, NH, NJ, OR, VT, WA)

The concluding list is this one that we have to think more

1. United Kingdom(Civil unions and registered partnerships/ Recognition granted, same-sex marriage debated)
2. South Africa (same sex marriage )
3. Canada(same sex marriage) Australia(Civil unions and registered partnerships recognized in some regions/Recognition debated )
4. Ireland (Recognition debated)
5. New Zealand (Civil unions and registered partnerships/ Recognition granted, same-sex marriage debated)
6. Jersey (Recognition debated)
7. Australia (Civil unions and registered partnerships recognized in some regions)

So we keep on looking …..

how i feel for him

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go