Goodbye Mr. The other man

Today I waved Ron goodbye, hopefully the last time to meet him.
It’s hard to admit but Ace was right and Ron was straighter than my granny and  now he’s gone.
Yesterday I spent a while telling my sister-in-law about all the encounters I had with Ron, she knew ‘em all and didn’t care so practically I made an ass of myself.
At least she told me they never had sex cos he was her baby (baby in the sense I call baby girl) and he wasn’t gay, not even bi cos he had a girlfriend back in his hometown and he was going back there cos he had saved enough money in the last year to buy his own place.
I was ready to shoot him last night and in such a big land like AK it’s pretty easy to get rid of bodies and let the animals eat them, that was just an idea!
The most I did was talking to Ron and begging him to confirm whatever sis-in-law said.
And I’m feeling 500% stupid, used, abused, insulted and mentally raped.It was just my own mistake trying to be nice to everyone and believe whatever they do.
I repeated his words all the way back home making me feel worst than ever. he never fancied any other guy before or after meeting me, he just wanted to know how it was like to get in my pants cos Ace did it and pretty enjoyed it. I simply wanted to die. This was my worst crush on a straight man I guess.

Call me silly cos no-one ever does such an obvious mistake, I don’t care, you can even beat me BUT he’s gone forever.
The best thing was that Ace joined me at the airport to make sure he was gone. To my own surprise he kissed me and held my hand all the way back to the truck, something he rarely did back in Boston in front of so many people.

And I have to change cos I behave very badly, like a 14 yr old teen or worse like a slut. I’m a tease, no doubt but I gotta realize that I’m too old for being such things and as a dad and a husband I have hell of responsibilities.

Today is the 3rd month of being married and the last month our relationship went downhill. We need lots of effort to fix it, hopefully we can.
I think me & Ace done enough damage to what was once a marriage now a civil union. The words don’t matter anymore when you can’t communicate all day and at nights you sleep on your side.
It’s so unfair to say this but back in Boston things were a lot better, we had many friends, we had lots of place to go together, we drove our neighbors nuts by the never ending squeaking sound of the bed; here I miss every thing, it’s sill but I miss all the trees in Common, I miss all the shops, I miss the ocean, I miss my granny and friends, I miss my job cos this job is so dull and I miss the sex, the best we had in the last 14-15 days was a 69.
I’m really selfish cos I cant see the fact that he’s happier, baby girl is happier and there are hell of other things in life more important than shopping clothes and spending nights out with my gay friends. I will used to the new circumstances or I have to.
Let’s Stop hurting each other for a while!

The other…man

Ace looked at me like I was an alien when he came in from the shopping, and saw me grabbing my jacket. “Where are you going?”
I realized I hadn’t told him about the party, only that I had to cancel. “Office Party; I’d forgotten about it.” I shrugged. “Don’t have anything better to do tonight.”
The hurt look on Ace’s face confused me, but I didn’t have the time to try to figure out his mood; I was already going to be late. I laughed at the random thought that I might actually meet Ron, and I grinned. “Don’t wait up.” I was sure I’d be home by ten.
The party was, as predicted, a complete slosh fest. It was a good thing I wasn’t fond of alcohol. I ended up having to take four of my co-workers home. They lived all over town, so I didn’t make it back home until after one in the morning. I walked in to find Ace sitting in his briefs, looking bleary-eyed at the TV, with a mostly empty bottle of beer on the table. The way his head moved, I knew he was smashed.
I sighed as he looked up at me, and I took off my coat. “What’re you doing, Ace?”
He sniffed at me. “Waiting up.”
That was obvious, but what I really wanted to know was why. “Yeah, I can see that.” It didn’t look like he’d been crying, but I suspected once I’d settled down some place, I’d have a wet shoulder again. “Mind if I get out of these things?”
He shook his head, and wobbled a little, so I went back to my room to change. Formal clothes sucked; I was going to change into an old T and some sweats. If he threw up, nothing would be ruined. It took me a moment to realize that Ace was standing in the doorway, watching me as I changed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what? That I had an office party?” I shrugged. “I told you; I forgot.”
“No.” He wobbled a little, and looked more upset. “Why didn’t you tell me Ron is here?”
I froze. I didn’t want an irrational drunk on my hands. Fuck, why hadn’t I seen that coming? I hedged. “What are you talking about, Ace? What makes you think I must tell you about who lives here and who doesn’t? Besides I didn’t know myself till this morning.”
He turned, took a couple steps to the kitchen table, “Not about everyone but him.”
“And what makes him so important?”
“Cos he kissed you.”
I was in the denial sense so I just said:”What makes you think like that?”
“This.” he opened his hand and showed me my cellphone I couldn’t find back in the afternoon.
I pulled up my sweats and walked out to take a look. On the screen was the little picture of me with Ron’s arms wrapped tightly around me and his face close enough for a kiss.
He glared angrily at me; yeah, he’d liquored up enough to unhinge the emotional doors. “I’m not stupid. You can’t find any excuse. I saw more than that picture and you were too busy you didn’t even hear me calling you when I got home.”
For me it was like a surreal nightmare. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of someone seeing us. I was so screwed. I was looking at him in horror when he turned around.
Tears were running down his face. “You keep telling me we’re best friends, lovers, partners and hell of stupid things, and I don’t even know who you are.”
God that hurt. When Ace unhinged, his heart was on his sleeve. The pain in his voice wasn’t from what I did; it was from my hiding it from him. I couldn’t meet the hurt in his eyes, so I looked at the floor. “I’m sorry.”
He practically yelled at me. “I don’t care if you’re sorry! I want to know why!” Ace seldom got loud, even when he was drunk, and his outburst caught me off guard.
“Why what? Why I kissed him?” I was getting pissed. “I don’t know, Ace. I didn’t want to, I didn’t even know he was back. He just came outta nowhere. He kissed me, I didn’t. It meant nothing!”
He looked down. “You could have told me.”
He was such a hypocritical prick. I waved at him as my frustration built. I had no idea I’d even been frustrated until it hit me; at that point, I couldn’t stop myself. “You never tell anyone anything, Ace! Unless you’re drunk! When you do finally start talking, I can’t tell what you’re saying half the time because when you’re liquored up enough to say anything you’re slurring!” I paused to think a bit “And you promised me never ever get drunk again, didn’t you?”
He looked like he was going to spit something back at me, but I stepped in and snarled, “What would have been the point? You’d have just thought the way you like without listening to me anyway!”
He suddenly looked like he was going to be sick. I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the bathroom. He didn’t throw up, but he didn’t look all that steady. I’d had enough. He knew, so what? I couldn’t talk with him while he was shit-faced. Yanking back the shower curtain, I cranked on the cold water and hefted him in. “You want to talk? Get your white ass sober, and I’ll think about it!”
He called me everything he could think of, and a lot of things that weren’t words, as I chilled the drunk out of him. The bathroom floor and I were soaked when he finally stopped fighting me.
He was shivering and mumbling “enough” when I shut off the shower. God he looked miserable, and I felt guilty. The shower had chilled out my anger as well. I pulled him out and he kind of melted against me while he shivered. I wrapped him up in a towel, roughly dried him off, and guided him back to the couch. “I’ll make some coffee.”
Ace watched silently from the couch, in his soaked briefs and the towel, as I made a big pot and brought out the first mugs. He looked a lot more alert, and a lot sadder. We drank down our first mugs in silence. I didn’t need the coffee, I was wound up enough, but it was easier to have him mimic me than try and force him to drink alone.
“How are you feeling,” I asked. Any conversation was better than nothing.
“Like my head’s full of cotton; not drunk, but not hung yet.” He winced a little and then frowned at me. “You’re a bastard, you know that?”
I grinned. “Yeah, you said that in the shower.”
He looked back at his mug. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to shout at you.Just look at things from my point, you come home and find your partner nowhere than another guy’s arms”
Sighing, he lifted his mug. “Bartender, give me a double?”
I grinned. “Sure.”
He sipped the mug after I handed it back, and cradled it in his hands. He wasn’t shivering any more. “I guess I’ve been trying to get you to tell me but you found another excuse to go out on your own.”
“It wasn’t an excuse, I had to go.”
“Was he there too?”
I got up to get myself some water as I nodded at him.
The next second he was standing right behind me pressing me hard to the fridge. “So tell me what happened there?”
“Nothing.” I pushed my nails into his palms and he let me go.
Inside the fridge was my favorite chocolates waiting for me.
“Hershey’s kisses, oh my God. Where do you get it from?”
I was touched. I’d never expected him to spend time trying to find me things like chocolates. “I really love these.” I unwrapped one and put it in my mouth.
Nodding, he took another sip of his coffee. His eyes never left me. “So, are you going to tell me why?”
“Why.” I stuck my chocolate covered tongue at him.
He set down his cup and stared at me. “I’ve spent all night worrying that if you were hiding this, that maybe you were hiding other stuff too. I’m scared,Nate. You’ve always told me about the love, trust and respect we need to stay together and now I’m not sure I can trust you.”
I looked at my hands. “Do you remember all the good times we had together? All the things I told you about my past?”
He grinned. “Yeah.”
I swallowed my chocolate and tried to meet his eyes. “There’s nothing between me and him, believe me.”
“Never done anything with him?”
I opened my mouth to say “never” but I hate lying to him, I bit my lips before saying “Once gave him a handjob, that was all.”
That seemed to blind-side him. He stared at me, and I could see the “Ace security wall” come up. “How dare you?”
I stood up. “That’s why I never told you. It wasn’t that I didn’t value our friendship, Ace. You’re my best friend, my partner, my lover and I do love you. But you don’t wanna see the reality.” He continued to stare in silence. I wasn’t going to get anything more out of him at that point. “I’m going to bed. If you want to talk more later, cool.”
I left him sitting on the couch being distant-Ace. The moment the discussion had turned to something really worth-talking, like the fact that he could look at things differently, he’d shut down. There was no way I was going to explain things to him. It took me forever to get to sleep; I kept worrying about what was going to happen. I woke mid-morning to find Ace sleeping on his side of bed. I got outta bed and left the room grabbing  some clothes and my laptop.
I crawled inside baby girl’s room and thought of sleeping by her side but looked impossible without waking her up so I just left her sleep sweetly.
I spent a while sitting motionless on the sofa and thinking of nothing then felt tired and thought of taking some sleeping pills and get some sleep, later I changed my mind.

So after 4 fucking hours I’m still awake and waiting for him to wake up. I wish all happened yesterday was one silly story popped outta my mind and I could add a good fuck and end it happily, shit that sounds impossible. If only I knew who was writing my story.
Now the sun is spreading his weak rays to win the night, I have this feeling I really don’t wanna talk to him unless he tries to see things my way, I’m going out for a walk, this sofa is so uncomfortable.
***********************************
No matter how hard I try to keep my life anonymous and write nothing much here, there are times it looks so impossible.
A few may know about the other man in my life, for those who doesn’t know:
Ron was my co-worker while I lived  here with my ex. I never paid much attention to him till he caught me and my now partner (husband?!) kissing at the backyard of my office. Being still married and living in a very small town not very gay-friendly we didn’t want anyone know about the feelings we had so we bribed Ron anyway we could to keep his mouth shut. I dunno why when or how but he had a crush on me while I had a bigger crush on Ace. I ignored Ron and he moved on.
Cutting the long story short, somehow he told me about his feelings and I stopped being his friend, later he got back outta nowhere hurt and miserable from the only boyfriend he found himself and me being very mad at Ace, I met him at Logan and gave him a handjob in a public toilet and that was all before things got very serious between me and Ace and we decided to get married. Anyhow, Ron came back to Boston for the wedding and he stayed, and I helped him as a friend, I even asked him to join my team and he accepted but when Ace found out he made me get rid of him and I even escorted him to the airport making sure he was outta our lives.
And yesterday he was back and I was too shocked to stop him from kissing me.
It’s all silly how hard Ace try to keep him away from me and he keeps on coming back. It’s not really my fault someone else has a crush on me. I’m not that special but wtf I had my own crushes on straight guys and I just shut my mouth and disappeared. The least Ron could do was disappearing for the sake of our friendship.
Sometimes Ace pisses me off with not listening to me. It’s ridiculous when it’s ok seeing me kissing, hugging and sometimes flirting with other guys but when they want to respond he gets all possessive, jealous and protective.
To me homosexual relationships are not mostly about being monogamous and cheating doesn’t mean the same as it is to others. When my partner knows about the other one then it’s not cheating.
I’m tired of waiting so I’m going for a walk with the sun shining brightly.Whatever Ace wants to think, let him think. He gotta be mad at his own sister for letting Ron live with her pretending to be her (20 years younger) boyfriend when she knows he’s gay. I’m just so surprised how she didn’t tell the truth to her brother.
I’m just tired of my life looking like a boring stupid soap, it sucks & I need a happy ending.
I guess I leave him a note to check my blog cos I’m not in the mood of explaining.
Question: How can I get rid of someone who had a crush on me?!

Prom night

*. Just Copy-pasted, not even read till the end and the names have nothing to do me! (& check labels!)

As All-4-One began to sing “I Swear”, Nate walked across the dance floor to where Kara stood. He held out his hand, which she took. They put their arms around each other and began to sway and move with the music.
“Hey,” she said, “How’ve you been?”
“Pretty good,” replied Nate. “Have you had a nice night?”
“No,” she said, her head laying on his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Nate asked.
“Danny’s starting his shit again,” she said, sounding disgusted. What Danny’s shit was, Nate had no idea, but he knew it happened quite often. They weren’t even dating last week, were they? Nate thought. He couldn’t understand, what with all the problems they had, why either of them even bothered any more.
“This is a pretty song,” Kara said, humming the tune into Nate’ ear. “Sing it to me. I know you can do a better job than me.”
Nate smiled. He’d sang to Cristy Eversole on her birthday, and had been somewhat of a celebrity ever since. He didn’t have much faith in his musical abilities, himself, but the ladies seemed to like it, and that’s all Nate cared about. When the chorus came, Nate decided to give in and do as Kara asked.
“I swear,” he sang, “by the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there. I swear, like a shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there. For better or worse, till death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart. I swear.”
Kara hugged him. “That was really good,” she said. “That made me feel better. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Nate said. He pressed a little closer to her ear and whispered, “You know, if you don’t want to stay with Danny tonight, you don’t have to. You can leave with me.” She wore a “dress” that was black pants and a silky top that exposed her midriff and back. Nate slowly rubbed her back, his hand straying an inch or two down the back of her loose fitting pants.
Nothing was heard for several seconds but the music. The two continued to dance, their bodies close, her head on his shoulder.
“Seriously?” she said finally.
“Seriously,” he said. “Right now.”
The song ended, but the two held each other a while longer. Kara pulled away and looked into his eyes. “Okay,” she said. Nate smiled and they walked toward the door.
Nate unlocked the passenger door, opened it for Kara, then closed it once she was in. He entered on the driver’s side and looked over at her. They sat in silence, then Nate said, “God, you look incredible.” She laughed, blushing, and thanked him.
“Well, where do we go?” she asked.
“Name the place, sweet thang,” Nate said. “Thy will be done.”
For several minutes she said nothing. Nate opened his mouth to suggest a late movie when Kara said, “There’s this place close to my house. There’s enough room to pull a car off the road, and there aren’t any other houses nearby.” Nate stared at the lovely lady beside him. He’d heard her wrong, surely. Even if she had said what he thought, she only meant for them to gossip and chat and bitch about Danny. That’s what she meant, wasn’t it? When he looked to Kara’s face and saw her smiling, though, his pants suddenly got much tighter, and he hoped she didn’t just mean to talk.
Nate pulled off the road and turned off the engine. The two looked at each other. Nate reached out and stroked Kara’s hand. Kara took it and held it. Before long, they found themselves leaning across the seat and kissing passionately. Their tongues laced together, writhed like snakes within the linked cavities of their mouths. Nate moved his hands to Kara’s breasts, massaging them beneath the thin material of her black top. They broke from their lip lock and Nate began working on Kara’s neck.
“Mmmm, yeah,” Kara groaned. Kara’s pants were held with a thin rope about her waist, which Nate now began to untie.
“Wait,” Kara gasped, and lightly pushed Nate away.
“No,” Nate grunted, moving toward her again.
“Wait,” Kara said again. “Get in the back.”
Nate reluctantly released her and climbed into the back seat. Kara followed, stumbled, and fell on top of Nate. He grabbed her and again inserted his tongue deep into her throat. Kara squirmed until she straddled Nate, continued kissing him for a moment, then pulled away once again. She pulled her top over her head, exposing luscious breasts hidden behind a black lace bra. Reaching behind her, she unhooked the metal clasp and allowed her arms to slip through the straps. Nate leaned forward and kissed the flesh between her breasts. Kara tossed her head back and issued a short, lustful gasp. Nate pulled away this time, began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Meanwhile, Kara unbuttoned his pants and, when Nate raised from the seat, she pulled them down. With a little work from both parties, they managed to remove his shirt and slide his pants over his ankles. They paused to share another passionate kiss, then Nate slipped Kara’s pants off.
With both participants free of the confinements of clothing, Kara placed her hands on Nate’ shoulders, pushed herself up, then lowered onto his erect penis.
“Oh, fuck,” Nate moaned. Kara laid her forehead against his and began to slowly move up and down. As the pace quickened, Nate laced his fingers behind Kara’s head and pulled her face to his chest.
“Yeah, fuck me,” he said. Kara obediently increased her rhythm.
“Uh…uh…You like that, baby?” Kara asked.
“Oh, yeah. You know it.” Nate replied. “Fuck me.” he reiterated. Kara did.
Digging his fingernails into Kara’s back, tearing red ribbons of flesh, Nate came. Kara let out a cry of mixed pain and pleasure. Unbelievably, she slammed down into him even faster and harder than before as Nate pumped semen into her pussy. She bit into his shoulder, drawing blood as she reached her climax.
“AAAAA! Dammit!” Nate cried. “You fucking slut!”
“Thank you,” Kara panted, slumping against him. They held each other as their breathing and heartbeats settled, and fell asleep in each others arms.
Kara opened her eyes and found Nate stroking her hair in the darkness. She lifted her head and looked into his face. Though bathed in shadows, she could see his eyes sparkle. She smiled.
“What time is it?” she asked, her voice thick with the clinging weight of sleep.
Nate peered over the seat at the green, glowing numbers on his dash. ” ‘Quarter to five.” he said.
“Shit,” Kara said quietly. “My curfew was four. I’m dead.” She lifted from him and retrieved her clothes off the floorboard.
“Was it worth it?” asked Nate. Kara smiled at Nate, leaned forward and kissed him.
“Bet your ass it was,” she said. She slid into her bra and fastened it, then pulled her top back on. “We must do this again sometime.”
“Any time, any place,” Nate said. “What about Danny? What’s happening with him?”
Kara sighed. “I don’t know. I never do. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, though.” She lay across Nate’ lap, pulled her feet up and slipped her pants on. Once she was fully clothed again, she maneuvered to sit beside him. “If Danny and I do work it out, would you want to be the other man,” she said smiling.
“As long as I can be one of your men, I don’t really care which one it is,” Nate said.
“That’s kinda sweet,” she said. She kissed him one final time, then climbed into the front seat of the car. Nate followed, sat in the driver’s seat and started the car.
“Uh, did you forget something,” Kara said, then burst into laughter. Nate looked down and realized he was still minus his clothes.
“Well,” he said, “just pray your mom doesn’t meet us at the car.” They both laughed. The car pulled onto the road and drove off into the diminishing darkness of early morning.

Shut up fag

Chatting aimlessly (aimless for me cos I was waiting for dinner and had nothing to do) with Jay about random things, we reached the point that he simply told me to shut up, that wasn’t a nice thing to be told when you’re not expecting it. I felt a bit offended but giving it a second thought I think he was very polite not to tell me “fuck off or shut your fucking mouth up”.
I think lately I’m crossing other people’s lines easily without thinking about it and I just go “yeah that’s cool to say whatever crap I like and expect others to accept it.”.
Now I can see why Ace is so quiet round others, pinching me and whispering in disagreement, I have a very sharp tongue opposing others, challenging everything just because I feel I’m 100% right. NAH, very wrong I am.
So I’m sitting on the patio in this freaking cold weather, eating cornflakes and reviewing my own reactions happened the day before and now I can see things a bit clear. You can change laws by force but you can’t change people’s beliefs that way.

There’s something very weird about this town, it’s like home and it’s like a new start every morning. I’ve made very big decisions and faced hell of new challenges here like marrying my long-time best friend, buying my very own house, acting like a responsible familyman, losing a very lovely baby girl, falling in love with the guy I hardly have anything in common, divorcing my baby’s mom and realizing I cant stop life no matter how hard I try and I can name a lot more.

Now I’m back here and I’m just feeling like the first day I stepped on this mysterious rough land. I’m not the guy I was 2 years ago but still I’m too stubborn to accept that I made big mistakes as much as others did.

I was very disappointed with my friends but I guess they felt worse. I was back to somewhere I never truly felt like home and he looked happy seeing his sister again so she decided to throw a party for the newly-wed guys, very nice of her.
I think I’ve mentioned before but I’m just reviewing things. Me and my ex were room-mates back in school time. She was this very cool nice kind room-mate, I was lucky to have and it was a creepy small place so there was this clear rule “NO sex at home”.
I was this very naive 18yr old kid, miles away from home and just trying to figure out how much gayness I had in my blood so one night stands were just a hobby. As far as I can remember my ex had a boyfriend at that time but I cant remember well cos of the rule we had.
We were pretty good room-mates just minding our own business and ignoring the other and we had piles of thick books always waiting for us. I’m not sure how it happened but it happened and we became best friends talking about anything and everything. After a while we decided to move to a bigger cleaner place and very randomly I asked her out and I dunno why we called it a date. The following years were pretty the same for her, focusing on her books and trying to finish her university; randomly she introduced me to her parents as her boyfriend just to keep her mom off her back so she had reasons to stay away from her family and she was very faithful to me.
On the other hand I had a lot to discover, officially she was my girlfriend but I was still seeing other people specially guys. I was on a crazy roller coaster with a sick mind trying to figure things out my own way, trying anything and everything and proving nothing than the fact I couldn’t end my life, attempted suicide twice, spent a while in a hospital and then things went pretty smooth as she remained my best and only friend.
I dunno when or how but I fell in love with her, I wanted her cos she was a good listener, my feelings for her where just emotional, surely we tried it physically but she wasn’t the one I fancied.
She knew she was just one dear friend to me but I dunno why she wanted more outta our relation. I loved kids but having one of my own was a nightmare besides there was a high risk of inheriting those twisted genes and I really didnt want another OC kid in the family beside myself.
On a daily basis we almost had no sex and if had, I was so careful not to get her pregnant and I thought she was as careful as me, even more. I was really wrong, she wanted a baby with me.
I tried really hard to make her get rid of the baby, I begged her, threatened her, did whatever I could, even left her but she kept the baby.
It was a very tough 5 months till she called and told me the baby born a month early, that’s one bad thing happening to a kid. I did prayed for her death and it was a weird feeling cos I sorta don’t follow any thing called religion.
After a while she and the baby went home and I decided remain the biological dad and live my own life. I started very straight, then somehow I couldnt resist sleeping with some hot guys, then I got tired and felt very ashamed thinking religion was the only way I could survive (this wasn’t my own discovery, actually someone made me look at the world that way and accept that homosexuality was a big a sin.)

Cutting the long story short, after 6 months I made my mind to embrace life as straightly as I could. To my own surprise she let me back in her life but she was leaving my lovely Boston to start a new life in an icy hell aka Alaska and I just followed her, determined to be her Mr. Right and a good dad.

I wasn’t too sure of my ability to stay monogamous and faithful so I thought making a strong bond like a marriage would make me keep my vows.
There was no party no cake, just me, my ex, her parents and a friend of mine.

And a new life started, I earned pretty good, we had a happy family and it was just getting used to the rough weather. Being Alaska and living in a small city I really had no chance of finding a fuck buddy so me and my ex focused on something else, a new baby. 2 babies could keep me very busy.

After a while I got bored, there was nowhere to go, no Fenway, No nightclub, No gay bar, Not even a gay couple, nothing.
I started flirting with random women just to stop thinking about guys, soon I got bored and again there was me and one dirty friend, Internet. Chatting on-line looked pretty fine, no harm to her, no harm to me.
The more me and my ex lived together, the less common things we found, her mom really hated me and I wasn’t anything close to her prince charming, I had the money , I’m not that ugly and I loved baby girl but she was tired of all my manic and depressive moods and with long cold boring winters here I really couldnt get rid of my depression easily. We had endless arguments, yet we tried to look like the perfect family round our friends, she wanted everything perfect and I was really tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
After 6 months watching her getting fatter with the little baby in her womb I asked her to just get outta town and have some fun in a bigger city. I wanted to make her happy and sorta I wanted to meet the guy I’d been chatting with for a while.
It was one of the worst trips of my life I really dont wanna remember, in the shortest way I can say, we lost the little baby and somehow the bond that kept me and my ex together broke.
I may look indifferent when hearing about someone’s death but it’s exactly the opposite. I’ve lost very wonderful people in my life that I wasn’t the kinda person to give my ex some hope to move on. I really needed a push myself and I couldn’t understand why on earth I had to lose my closest ones so easily.
To my own surprise I didn’t fall in my depressive mood but the opposite so I pretty ignored my ex and tried to know my e-guy better.
after a while I found a job in the city he lived (still Alaska) and made my family move with me, he moved in too.
I was never seriously & emotionally engaged with another guy. I wanted him as a family member but to him I was just a fuck buddy.Breaking up with him was one of the hardest things in my life and it wasn’t a good experience.
We went back to the little town she loved and tried to start again, I really tried my best but there was no end to our arguments, still she tried to pretend we were one happy family.
I was so determined to have a normal family and play straight after being dumped by my ex-boyfriend or the other way round, I can say I tried really hard to be a good dad and a good husband but things didnt go well.
I digress, among her friends there was this 40ish woman she was really close that I can say she was my ex’s best friend, let’s call her G.
G had a brother who lived in a village near Bering sea, I’d met him a few times but never tried to know him cos he was mysteriously silent and quiet and really not interested in anything I liked.
I don’t remember why he decided to stay a while with his sister; I just know I had to keep his company while the girls were having some fun. He was boringly minding his own business so most of the times I ignored him and did whatever I felt like doing but somehow I got used to his presence.
Me and my ex still had lots of fights and arguments and divorce was something to be mentioned every now and then , yet we tried to remain as a family.

I really can’t say why I fell in love with him, we just went fishing, digging holes and talking about random things and it just happened like the most natural thing in the world, we kissed and since then I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
***********
I’m all numb sitting in the cold for so long and this wasn’t really the kinda thing I wanted to say. Whatever surely you can guess the rest and I will find another time writing what I wanted to say, I’m going inside!

loving the room-mate

It wasn’t long for my roommate and I to become best friends then finally lovers. We had spent the better part of first semester “accidently” walking in on one other jacking off to porn. Granted the first time was incidental and we were both at fault. He had forgotten to lock the door and I didn’t knock. That was our first argument.
“Damn it, haven’t you ever heard of knocking!”
“Forgive me but we both share this room and if you’re going to do that shit at least lock the door.”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck yourself”
I was enraged by the way he’d acted the night before so the next day I returned the favor.
After that it was like a game to see who could jack off more times in a week, which eventually progressed to hanging a tape measure along the far side of the wall as we came for distance.
This lasted for the better part of a month before things began to further progress. I had come back from a hard day of classes, feeling of failure. My roommate had just turned on a porno not yet ready for me to walk in.
“Hey you’re early.”
“After tonight I think I’ll have won our cum-a-thon.”
I stood there watching him pull down his shorts. His cock had a good size width to it and wasn’t bad in length. Without thinking I shut the door locking it behind me then moved his chair out from under his desk pulling it off to the side.
He sat there for a second unable to comprehend what I was about to do.
“Hey man what the fuck is your problem? Don’t be an ass and let me get back to winning.”
I dropped to my knees and took him into my mouth.
He was in disbelief but I could tell he was enjoying it by the moans escaping his mouth and the way he gently placed a hand behind my head. He wasn’t forcing me by all means. He just simply placed it there for comfort or reassurance; it felt nice regardless of his motives. I took my time adjusting my mouth to his size. I sucked on his head for a little while then eased my way down. I was drooling a bit so pulled back to his head and swallowed my slobber while placing a hand at the base jacking off never loosing contact not even for a moment.
“Oh shit yes.”
I pushed down a little more half way there but still there was more to come. I took my time working him up and down ever so slow taking him in another two inches only slightly gagging along the way. I knew I could take him. I finally made my way all the way down until my mouth was touching the base of his cock feeling him deep within my throat before unbuttoning my pants and taking out my own cock. I sucked him off taking him in stride all the while stroking myself faster and faster. It didn’t take long before we were both close to the edge.
I could feel his cock twitching with anticipation ready to explode. It was at that moment I pulled up for the last time then wrapped my other hand around his member as I eased myself up. I stood before him and with only a few more strokes I came covering his face with my juices.
After admiring my work I happened to glance at the clock, which had just turned midnight.
I stroked him another minute or so until he splatter his wet sticky mess on my abs before lifting his head slightly to look him in the eyes stating,
“I win.”
He licked his lips then took me into a deep passionate kiss.
We waited a mere twenty minutes or so before stripping completely naked and ravaging each other.
We held each other for a few moments savoring each other’s kiss then started getting more physical. He flipped me on my back in a smooth yet gentle motion then lifted my legs resting them on his shoulders. My hole was exposed so I couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious. He kissed my inner thigh then whispered, “you are so beautiful” easing my insecurity.
He reached over to his dresser and grabbed a thing of anal lube and a condom. He squirted a small amount of lube onto his fingers then rubbed it around.
“I want you to fuck me with your cock not your fingers.”
I couldn’t help but to smile as he stated, “dumb blond I’m warming it up before greasing your hole for entry.”
“Be patient ok baby?”
“I’m sorry I just need to feel you inside me. I’ve thought about this moment for forever now. I need you, I need to feel you inside me.”
He worked the lube then inserted a finger.
“Damn Blain you are so tight I can barely stick a finger in let alone my entire dick.”
“Do you still want to try?”
The answer to my question was another finger.
He worked my hole preparing me then asked if I was ready.
“Fuck me please I’ve waited so long for this moment.”
He grabbed my legs and placed them on the floor before crawling up my body until his cock was in my face. I licked the pre-cum oozing from his slit then kissed the head of his shaft before deep throating his member once more.
He face fucked me for a few minutes before moving away and reaching for more lube and a condom.
“You sure you’re ready?”
“Yes fuck me I need to feel you inside me.”
“Dumb blond and a whore.”
I know he was only kidding but it made my chest tighten a little at the sound of the last two words.
But I shook my head clear of all rational thought in time to hear him say, “Ok here’s your wish.”
He placed my legs back on his shoulders then eased in the head of his cock.
“Damn Blain, am I your first? You’re so fucking tight.”
I wish he was my first but he wasn’t, it was nice to hear nevertheless, almost made me feel better about the whore comment. He pushed in another inch and my ass felt as if it was being torn apart. I couldn’t help but gasp at the pain. He stopped immediately and waited for my hole to adjust. It seemed we did this for every inch on the inch but soon enough he was embedded. He again waited for me to adjust before slowly pulling out then back in. After a little while he was full on fucking me. I enjoyed every minute of the pleasure, the pain, but he eventually came causing the fun to end. He discarded the condom then went down on me. It didn’t take long before I came as he swallowed everything. I had never experienced this before and thought it would be gross to taste myself on him but instead it was hot.
That night I fell asleep not only as the ultimate champion of our cum-a-thon, but as a boyfriend to my roommate, and all was well at least for the moment.

Getting married and telling her!

It feels great to be back to your own place, in your own room, on your own bed and have that familiar smell of his under your nose, it really looks like a heaven.

Now I’m sure he’s right about my twisted mind, why I think of the worst?!

Unfortunately the night wasn’t that cold and wasn’t that hot, ie. you had to keep your clothes on but that wouldn’t stop you from cuddling and kissing and snuggling for sure.

We’re not fighting anymore, actually we have a very clear view of the coming weeks. we’re following our dreams and come shine, come rain Valentine’s will be the day to be legally married though just in Ma. (that’s fine cos we’re staying here!)

Then comes the question, what must we tell my baby girl? it’s a weird feeling and it’s gonna be hard to explain to a 2.5 yr old girl. she’s really genius but still she’s a baby. should we tell her at all?

We’re still thinking, but I doubt we get to any point.

if it was daddy and some woman then at least there was a bride, now I really don’t know. we still have time to think about it and I do welcome suggestions.

there must be someone experienced enough, right?

btw if you wanna be in our wedding ceremony, we’ll be glad to have you around (after checking the possibility of you being a homophobic!)

any way, if interested mail me at: klastbreath@gmail.com

till then I keep on thinking and I promise to post something x-rated soon

Trick or Treat

I pushed him down hard watching as he lost his balance falling on the mattress behind him. I didn’t waste any time flipping him on his stomach handcuffing his hands high over his head onto headboard and finishing by tying him up tight with restraints. He was obedient enough now. I finally broke him good, but I didn’t think about that. All I could focus on was that tight little hole waiting to be filled. Without warning I pounced on top of my Dennis knocking the air out of him. As he gasped I shoved myself inside his tight ass as far as I could go then pushed in all the way splitting his ass in two. I was merciless fucking him long and hard filling him with my juices then staying inside until I was good and limp.
Now it was his turn to cum and I knew just what to use to make him explode all over himself and the sheets. I started spanking him hard first with my hand then the paddle. After his ass turned a nice crimson red color I undid the handcuffs and flipped him on his back. He looked at me with pleading eyes, but I could tell he was enjoying it. He was rock hard and pre-cum was oozing from his slit. I attached nipple clamps to his exposed chest then started pulling on the chain. He moaned and squirmed but he loved getting his nipples tweaked. I tortured him for hours using just about every toy bought, but still he wouldn’t cum. I punished him more and more, until I couldn’t go on any longer and gave in, allowing him the pleasure of my hand working his shaft up and down. He refused to use the safe word so I had to control the situation for both of us.
“Brian.”
“Yeah Dens?” I asked as I continued my task.
“Stop. Let me fuck you.”
“What did you say?” I was in disbelief. He knew his place. He knew very well that he was the bottom to my top, but in case he’d forgotten I needed to remind him.
I slapped him hard across his face causing tears to form. I looked him straight in the eye putting him in his place then walked away leaving him alone in the dark still tied to the bed. I waited an hour or so then came back with his punishment.
“Brian I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s too late for apologies,” I said as I roughed him around a bit then secured his chastity belt on tight. He didn’t fight back instead he accepted his punishment, which was easier on the both of us. He knew if he even thought of resisting in the least or gave me any trouble he’d wear that thing for a month. He was lucky I chose this model instead of another. He could still wash himself and piss but he wouldn’t be able to get hard of course, and I could still fuck him while he was wearing it so I was happy either way. Before I untied him from his restraints I took a butt plug and shoved it hard up into his sore ass, then continued to spank him until I could see tears. That’s when I knew he really couldn’t take it anymore and removed his butt plug as well as his binds. He kissed me on the cheek before lying back down on the bed and falling asleep almost instantly.
The next day Dennis went out for a few groceries, needing to clear his mind. It had been a little more than a month since we started tampering with the art of BDSM. We’d pushed boundaries and Dennis hadn’t used the safe word in quite some time. The truth was he was much stronger and needed more than I was willing to give. He wanted me to hurt him. He needed to be punished. Dennis knew perfectly well that I was strictly a giver in the department of gay sex and Dennis had agreed to be the bottom to my top when we tied the knot, but he couldn’t help but to wonder what it would be like to fuck instead of getting fucked for a change.
Dennis made his way home and parked his car besides Brian’s all the while smiling to himself at the thought of becoming addicted to rough sex. He felt a pain in his groin and was reminded of the chastity belt. As Dennis unloading the groceries he shook his head clear of all impure thoughts as he managed to pile one large paper bag filled to the rim with groceries in one hand while balancing the other on his knee long enough to unlocking the door of their loft. “Honey I’m home!”
Dennis couldn’t help but tease as he laid his keys down. Dennis flipped the light switch up but the light didn’t come on. He tried flipping the switch up and down a few more times but still no light. “Brian did we pay the electric bill? Brian?” The loft was so dark Dennis was having trouble seeing in front of him as he stepped inside. Then from nowhere he felt someone grab him from behind placing a knife around his neck.
Dennis immediately froze believing his life was in danger.
“Does anything need to go in the frig? Bri…Brian? That’s a yes or no answer Dens don’t make me ask again.”
“Yeah there are eggs near top underneath the bread.”
“Well what are you waiting for?” Dennis placed the bags on the counter before removing the eggs and placing them in the refrigerator all the while Brian following close behind with a blade around Dennis’ neck. After Dennis did as instructed Brian removed the blade and took Dennis into a deep kiss then pulled away slowly.
“Happy Halloween Dens.” Brian took Dennis’ hand and led him into the living room.
“That’s one hell of a hello Brian.” Brian smiled as his love twisted in pain.
Dennis was trying so very hard not to focus on his arousal, but was failing miserably. Brian adored the conflict that was occurring between mind and body and it seemed that for the time being body was winning. Brian patiently waited as Dennis finally got himself under control before asking, “Trick or treat?”
Dennis had a bad feeling deep within his gut and knew either way he’d be screwed. He deliberated long and hard before replying “Treat.” Brian smiled a devilish grin before handing Dennis a package. Dennis looked at the small gift questioningly exhaling a deep sigh as he opened the box revealing a spiked collar.
Without hesitation Dennis accepted his fate by bowing his head as he held out his collar waiting for Brian to make his move. “Good boy do what I ask and you won’t get hurt, but then again you like the pain don’t you.” Dennis was stunned as Brian ordered Dennis to his knees. Without hesitation Dennis immediately fell to his knees then went on all fours. Brian attached a leash then walked his shaking Dennis to a support beam.
“Stand up and wrap your arms around it.” Dennis did as he was told trying to maintain his composure and not seem like the scared little bitch he had become as he felt his clothes cut from his body fall to the floor. Brian was having no trouble cutting through his shirt, jeans, and short, so Dennis kept perfectly still fearing he’d accidently meet the knife’s edge. Dennis stood there wearing only his collar and chastity belt at the mercy of Brian. Brian placed the knife on a nearby table as he caressed Dennis’ skin. “Unlock your arms and take a step back now. Bend over beautiful.” Dennis could only imagine the torment he would endure and for the first time in weeks thought about using the safe word, but before he could form word’s Brian’s touch was gone.
“Spread your cheeks.” Dennis knew he’d get it hard for sure, but after waiting there a few minutes with cheeks spread exposing his hole he was beginning to think Brian’s torture was through humiliation. Dennis looked through his legs and saw Brian sitting in a chair completely naked stroking himself causing him to wince in pain as a sensation was sent straight to his groin.
“Look at the support beam Dens not me or I swear you’ll live to regret this moment.” Dennis looked back at the support beam afraid of what Brian would do to him. He thought he wanted more, but Brian was scaring him a little too much for his comfort. He could hear Brian moan a few times as he reached his climax sending him into an orgasm.
“You did very well Dens you may stand.” Brian walked closer to his love and removed his chastity belt. Dennis was relieved as his member instantly flung to life standing at full attention. “Now here’s your reward.” Brian turned Dennis around and led him by the leash to the bedroom. He gave Dennis’ cock a few gentle loving strokes before lying on his stomach and giving the leash a hard tug causing Dennis to fall on top of him.
“Lube yourself then fuck me.”
“I don’t understand Brian, are you sure?”
Brian replied by handing Dennis the tube of lubrication on the bedside dresser. Dennis prepared Brian’s hole with lube then added a little more on himself before entering. His hips instinctively went into a steady rhythm as he butt fucked Brian. “Harder!” Dennis hastened the speed and pushed in harder, but Brian was still unpleased. “I thought you wanted to fuck me so fuck me!” Dennis once more increased his speed, but it still wasn’t good enough. “Damn it Dens fucking fuck me!” Dennis was now going as fast and as hard as he could, pushing deeper into Brian. It didn’t take long before Dennis came collapsing on top of his love. Brian turned to remove his leash and collar as Dennis snuggled up beside him. No words were expressed or needed to be spoken as they both fell asleep holding each other close. It was apparent Brian’s treat made this day extra special giving Dennis a Halloween he’d live to remember.

virtual boyfriend

I slowly closed the lid to my computer after a couple hours of titillating online cybersex. As my hands carefully caressed the edges of the case on my little laptop I put it away in its travel case tears filling my eyes. Kyle, my cyber boyfriend, and I had just broken up. We had been cyber dating, having virtual sex for over a year. Now, we were taking a hiatus from each other, putting our steamy online sex sessions on hold for a while.

We had gotten to know each other fairly well during the past year. Not only had we grown very close we had been very explicit with each other in our e-mails and immediate messaging. We knew each other’s secret sexual wants, desires and fantasies. We had exchanged explicit photographs with each other, but never any with faces. I found that during the past year I eagerly looked forward to and had grown to enjoy our online trysts. I loved Kyle’s body, his personality, and desperately wanted to meet him. I wanted to make love to him in person; however, that had all been put on hold for now. I had discovered that I was too scared to take that next step, that fateful plunge into reality – I was scared of getting busted. Good thing there is security in online anonymity.

I use an “MSN Hotmail” e-mail address and “MSN Messaging” that are registered under a pseudonym for my online sexual exploits; that’s how I first met Kyle, while cyber cruising late one night. From then on Kyle and I would rendezvous via IMs, exchanging personal dialogue, and indulging in our long distant online sex sessions. We would secretly seduce each other with words for hours, two to three times a week through the Internet, dependent upon our schedules. We had exchanged nude pictures with each other, and pulled off some pretty intense sessions of cybersex. Of course, all the naked photos I had sent to Kyle were headless nude shots of me, and Kyle’s snapshots to me were also headless. Neither of us wanted our identities and nakedness flaunted around the world by way of the Internet. I guess, in that year, neither of us had come to fully trust the other.

Early in our virtual sex sessions my online partner told me he was a student at a California college and he was twenty-two; however, the naked photos he had sent to me appeared to be that of a younger man, maybe even a teenager eighteen or nineteen. And Kyle didn’t write like a college student either, but more like a hopelessly romantic high school student. However, to be on the safe side I always printed out his e-mail and instant messages to me, especially the one stating that he was, in fact, twenty-two years old. If this kid was indeed twenty-two he had one hella sweet smooth looking young body.

Over our yearlong cyber relationship I had become totally infatuated by Kyle and his body, especially its physical attributes. A great looking frame I wanted badly next to me in my bed to have my way with for many long hours of lovemaking. Of course, Kyle had given me many compliments in the past year about my own body, telling me that I looked younger than my age, too. I knew that I appeared younger than my twenty-two years. Damn it, I really wanted to meet my young cyber stud for some one-on-one in the flesh sex, but still after a year I was unsure of a meeting with him. I also didn’t want to get busted showing up to meet the guy who was underage along with a television crew filming the meeting.

In the past year Kyle and I had not indulged in phone sex, so there was no way to verify each other’s phone numbers or other personal information. At one point I suggested that we fax or scan our driver’s license and send them to each other as proof of age. Then we could talk on the phone before actually meeting face to face. However, Kyle told me that although his computer was private he did not have a scanner or a private phone at home. He told me that he was still living with his parent’s while attending college. Of that I had my suspicions. I had to somehow verify Kyle’s age before I met up with him in person. More importantly, I needed to know whether or not this anonymous person was a cyber narc trying to set me up before I would commit to a face-to-face meeting. I was sure that some of Kyle’s personal information was exaggerated, including his age. The one thing that was not exaggerated was his totally hot bod. There were two things I had not lied to Kyle about: my age and the things I enjoyed doing as far as sex with another guy.

Kyle appeared so sensual in all those posed photos he had sent to me, and I could tell that they were all of the same person. He had a small teddy bear tattooed on his lower abdomen; right where his leg, crotch and abdomen met. He also used a digital camera with a time and date stamp on the photos. The pictures and seductive dialogue made me drool and then cum many times over during our online sex sessions. Yes, he was one deliciously desirable dude that I desperately wanted to have real live sex with at some point and time. Kyle had tried to entice me to meet him on several occasions with money offers. He offered to pay my airfare to Los Angles, all expenses, and then put me up at posh hotels in L. A., but I was reluctant. Not knowing for sure who was on the other end of the anonymous e-mails and instant messaging I hadn’t taken the bait.

I had heard so many stories about guys meeting other guys online, and then they ended up getting busted because the person was a minor or they violated some state or federal law. Nope, I wasn’t going to get arrested over some underage cybercunt who wanted a quick blowjob in the bathroom at the local bus depot. Anyway, life was about to change for me in a couple of days. Soon, I would graduate and head out for summer break; a summer of fun in the sun. Still, there were tears in my eyes at the thought of possibly never again cybering with or even meeting Kyle, but hopefully I would find him online again one day. Maybe, when I returned to the university in the fall to begin my graduate studies program.

note: not written by me, not even read, just copy-paste.

I feel like…… cheating

Gate number 2, flight number 0000 to gate number 6, another fucking flight to another gate, one departed, the other arrived and I’m sitting here listening to him, and I don’t care how many planes come and go because I’m leaving this airport any moment.

“Take one” he stops to offer me cigarettes.

“No I quit and you can’t smoke here anyway.” I point to the no smoking sign.

He goes on putting the pack back into his pocket:” you know he’s a nice person who wants to be in charge of everything, a gaydaddy you know. I’m not interested in having it with my dad or someone his age.”

I nod but I’m not listening to him, I’m thinking of my own life that always gets creepy all at the same time. He’s still talking; actually he’s going for his third beer.

“he’s 47 and he never tried to be top, can you believe it?” now he’s staring at me waiting for a comment, what can I say? I had enough sex to find that next to impossible not to give it a try at least once and now he’s talking to me like a callboy but I know he’s still a V himself, for hell’s sake who calls oral sex losing your cherry?!

“I guess I can believe what you say, he looked like one, so are you dumping him?” I shoot my words with a big smile cos I can hardly read his mind.

“You know I’d never been with any man before, I was just this naïve boy ready to submit my body to whoever gives an offer. I wasn’t sure about my feeling, you know. Not until I met you. You, you gave me the idea that it can be nice to love another guy and it’s so natural. You know you’re a nice person; you’re too good to be his. If only we’ve met sooner.” He goes for another sip and I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable with his tone and never ending “you know”s, I feel I have to go but I’m to angry to do anything, even mentioning him indirectly make my blood boil. I sit and do nothing than putting my hand on his knee.

He’s finished with his can and he has his hand free to put on mine. He starts talking and I have to listen:” you know I was staying with him for a few days and one night he suggested sharing his bed. I thought it was a good late move because I’ve been waiting for that since I got on the plane and came here. I wanted to get rid of my clothes but then I thought it was better to let him do it. He just jumped on the bed and started kissing me, I wanted to eat him, bite him, taste him but he just wanted to touch my cheeks, at last he kissed me on the lips, I really didn’t know how pushy I was, I did want to taste him and at last he let me, I tell you it was horrible, he could at least brush his teeth, you know you tasted so good. I never forget your taste, your smell, I’m so happy you were my first kiss.” He tried to touch my lips with his finger; I stopped him in mid air. That kiss was something really lustful I felt guilty for a long time. It wasn’t my fault he had a crush on me, I didn’t. I just thought he was cute or I was just tired of dating people my age or older at that time.

“Do you want me to go on?” he asked.

I replied: “yeah, sure. I think I have one more hour to spare. I can go back to work before lunch time.”

He goes on:” you know it was all silly, we took our own clothes off and jumped under the blanket in a dark room. I started touching his nipples, then went for his crotch and it was all hairy, all disgusting. He could do a few things to make him look better. And the funny thing is that with a little touch he was moaning and breathing hard. It was so silly cos we didn’t even do anything. He said he wanted me in his ass and I told him I didn’t want cos with all those hair everywhere and smelling sweat I really didn’t want to get inside his shit hole.” He pauses to take a look at his watch.

“What did you do then?” I ask just trying to make him finish his rants and let me go.

“Nothing much. I’ve watched lots of porn. Hey you two still don’t like watching porn?” he asks wickedly and I still remember the dvd he gave my partner on his birthday and how mad he was. Thinking about those crazy times make me angrier, I feel I hate him more and more.

“Not really. We don’t have much time for that stuff.” That was the lamest excuse I can make and I know it myself.

He puts his hand on my leg and starts scratching the denim. “You were talking about your night?” I’m tired now.

“yes, actually he wasn’t good for me. I licked him a little bit and he came really quickly. He wanted to give me a blowjob but I felt so bad licking his cock and tasting his cum a little bit I want to the bathroom and puked all my dinner. Is it always like this? I mean those guys swallow and suck like they’re having the most delicious thing in the world.”

“Well, it’s just porn and they’re models. Actually it can be something really good but you want it clean, don’t you?” sometimes telling the truth can be hard. So he stays silent for a while trying to make his mind what to say next. I’m bored with his boring rants about his boring boyfriend and well I didn’t tell him to date someone the age of his dad.

He moves his head close enough to whisper something I can hardly hear: “and you’re clean, right? I know you shave all the hair on your body. I’ve seen your long beautiful legs when hanging from those holds and ropes.”

He sounds so funny “you’re so stupid. Yes I shave but no one 5’ 10” can have long beautiful legs. And you looked really gripped all the time.” I try to change the topic.

He gets closer and I can feel his breath now. Then he bends as if trying to tie his laces putting his hand on my inner thigh he stays there a few seconds exploring more of my thigh before he comes up. “if I had just a day to live, I love to see you naked. I wonder how big you are. You must be a really big cos bony guys have bigger boners.”

He’s really turning me on, he’s leaving and we may never see each other again or any time soon.

“Let’s go to the men’s room” I say and stand up to leave him. He looks puzzled, I go for the restroom and he follows me. It’s not too far and it’s empty. I push him to the wall and kiss him, deep down his throat he can feel my tongue. He can say I taste good cos I couldn’t chaw more gums in the same day. He looks breathless but I don’t want to let him go. He has to do something for what he asked for. I bit his lip a little. How much I wanted to wake him up and kiss him this morning but well he had no right to tell me what to do, I really hated him. For a second I was feeling guilty, I was kissing another guy and I was thinking of him. He always tasted good, different, he found a new taste to surprise me, it was more fun to play with his tongue before getting my little surprise and I liked chocolates most.

I wrap my arms round his body and he submits. It sounds weird but probably he felt the same when I gave him my body, heart and soul. I know I can be dominant a bit but I prefer letting him do whatever he likes. But this guy is different, he asked for something and now I wanna be the one in charge, I enjoy seeing his young face belonging to me, his mind doing as I tell him. I have no feeling for him than trying to get rid of all the anger and hatred I stored in my heart since last night. Someone must pay for it!

I let him go to grab some tissues and he starts breathing better.

I get close to him one more time. “jesus you tasted a lot better than last time, how can you do this?” I wave my Wrigley’s in front of his eyes and smile. I like the flavors he chooses for me, once I made him look for the green ones I like for 2 hours. No I hate him.

He lays his back to the wall and put his hand on the front of my jeans, I cant and don’t want to hide my bulge. He moves his fingers up and down trying to imagine how it looks like. I grab his hand and put his fingers in my mouth, sucking one by one imagining it’s his cock, I love his cock and how he cum on my face, I like swallowing him, how much I miss him.

But he’s not here, I can see just lust, unzipping his pants and digging inside his underwear I find his waiting cock. I grab it with the tissue and probably I can hurt him a bit; I don’t care and he doesn’t care either. He has his eyes closed, his head leaning against the wall and his body arching a little as I move my hand up and down his cock.

I like hearing his moans and more than that I just want to give him the gift of cuming in my hand. I move my hand faster and squeezing him with my finger, he cant hold it any longer, without thinking I put my hand on his mouth and he cums and cums and cums . this boy must jerk off every now and then or his stored cum may kill him.

I look at his soft sworn dick and then the tissues in my hand, urrgghh I throw them to the trash bin and wash my hands several times but it seems I can’t get them clean.

What have I done? What the hell I’m doing here? I can’t believe I cheated on the only man I love on this big planet. He gave me all his heart and what did I do? I run out of the restroom without turning my head. I feel sick of myself and I can’t fix it anymore.

Nietzsche for the wedding

beeps, horns, kisses, hugs and the night came at last.
“Am you ready?” i asked him several times before jumping in the car and driving west. my heart beat a lot faster than usual and his unusual relaxed expression made me feel worse.
“wait, wait. i forgot the something.” i shouted as he turned to Court street.
he pressed gas pedal harder and sped up. ” are you nuts? didn’t i tell you to stop this fucking car?”
he shot me one of his killing smiles that always shiver and shake my heart and body , i can hardly stop myself not to touch him.
“ease babe, you didn’t forget anything.” he said pointing to the glove compartment.
“ok, ease, it’s just another night, another party that’s why you are so excited!”
he didn’t say anything and i started scratching my nails trying to get rid of the shining stars on ‘em, stupidly they shined in a way that was annoying me.
“Nah, i like ‘em. can’t you just sit down and do nothing?” he stared at my eyes, bluer than ever they looked, i wanted to sink in his bluish grey eyes. i wanted no party, no cheerful drunk party boys and girls, no feast, no surprise, nothing. i wanted nothing but him, his touch, his kiss…
“can’t we just go home?”i asked impatiently as he stopped by another red light. Streets were more than crowded as if everyone wanted to drive me crazy.
“we will but later. we’re gonna have a long night.”he said without even looking at me.
i put my hand on his and he shivered slightly, he never likes those sudden cold touches of mine. “Ooooh, so cold you are.” he moved his hand and i pulled back mine.
Crowded, dark, hot, cloudy, humid, 83 was too much for the temperature and all lights were red as if everything was trying to torture me.her curse, her broken heart, her regretful looks were there to haunt me. i tried to close my eyes and think of the wonderful night we were going to have.
skid marks, screams, cries, shouts, blood. jesus everywhere was blood-covered like a blood rain fallen a few seconds before. what the hell was happening? i could hear the rain drops but it was still too hot, too sticky.
something wrapped round my neck and i couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Keith, Keith, wake up, bitch wake up and look at me.” someone was calling me for sure but he was too far, too far i didn’t care he was calling me. i felt fingers touching my buddy rushing around it. i tried to open my eyes but my eyelids seemed so heavy to move.

he did nothing than wrapping his arm firmly round mine, he was looking worried and i felt good at last. walking together hand in hand to our sorta-wedding-party looked cool but i had to stop him before entering the building just to make him smile.
“hey, look at idiot. just look at him. see? he’s fine. why dont you smile? i’m fine”
“sure you’re fine,ok , ready for the big night?”
i nodded and we went in. i was sure we were late and most of the guests were waiting angrily but i was wrong; just a few people had arrived, he left me to check everything was fine and i joined the party guys.
*********
it was a memorable night i can say and surely one of the best nights we were together. everything looked so perfect, the food, the music. everyone was happy though they said a “dancing part” was missing, well they could go home and dance on their own cos we had enough trouble convincing the restaurant manager to let us have our little gay party in his place.
looking at my past, the paths i took, the wrong turns and all those wrong and right deeds, i’m not regretting anything. everyone has his/her own soul-mate and they’re worth the trouble. i love him, he loves me and my little baby, he accepted us the way we are (koala bears he says) and i’m thankful to him cos i know it’s not at all easy to handle kids and their tantrums, but he does and enjoys it.
there are plenty of things in life worth fighting for. and for me he was one of those wonderful things i fought for and i’m excited to have him at last.
**********
Party notes and quotes
4 hours before the party i dressed my baby girl and took her to my granny’s to stay there for a few hours. not only she was mad at me for not letting her wear her party dress, she cried for not taking her to the party we were going. later when i picked her up asking how her night was, she said “bad. you dumped me.” ( i have no idea who taught her this word, if only she knew parents never dump their kids LOL!)

after the little argument i had with my ex, telling i had no right to have my sorta-wedding-party cos the divorce wasn’t final. i was sure she wouldn’t come. i was wrong and she had a little thing for me. she gave her wedding ring back to me probably thinking i would feel sorry and leave the party right then. she was wrong, i looked into my pocket and gave her the wedding ring she gave me. her look was the best thing i had tonight. yeah it was so selfish, so evil, so wicked but an eye for an eye and a ring for a ring.

shaking hand with my boss she cried:” oh my god, jeans and Ts again. don’t you have a suit?”
“it was boring if we both wore suits. he’s mr perfect and i’m the clown.” i told her before moving to the next table.

greeting all the guest, i met my homophobic co-worker i was sure i hadn’t invited and in fact he had given me enough headaches, my partner in life decided not to come to my office for a while. so without saying hello i asked “were you invited?”
“no, i saw your invitation note on Ms. X’s desk and i thought probably you forgot inviting me”
“ohhhh, i see. thanks for coming ….. then.”
later when he went to the restroom, i took my partner to that place too and i started kissing him in the best sluttish way i know, he ,being a good kisser, responded really well. and then i shouted” cant wait to go home, i really wanna fuck the legs off you.” and we left without looking at that poor guy; he shouldn’t had come to a party he wasn’t invited. (i was dying to turn back and look at his face, i wish i did)

one of my friends brought his priest friend as a surprise and it worked well cos i screamed by his sight. thanks to the priest guy, he came to our home, asked us to say the vows and exchange rings. i can call it a private marriage, it was as formal as possible without legalizing it and who cares when there ain’t much rights to enjoy as a married couple!!!

like many other newly got-together couples me and my partner had a wonderful sex time after the party. while i was trying really hard to put the baby girl in bed, he fell asleep, and i had to wake him up and undress him cos sleeping with suits is the worst thing that can happen to someone.

and for your surprise, i do my first and last HNS(half nekkid saturday) here