Am I a good dad?

Am I a good husband?

Am I an acceptable person?

I know the answer to all the questions above is NO.

The whole place is in a mess, none of the clothes washed, there’s no clean dish left, there’s no space to move and the whole place smells like male sex that is where I live is not at all close to a dream house of any guy when the fridge is almost empty most days, empty bottles are under bed or in very random places, empty packets of cigarettes cover the dining table, little tiny toys are spread over her bedroom, Ms. Caramel is lost again, the bedroom door’s locked at nights, the bed sheet is covered in semen, lube and blood and those little spaces left in the house is filled with piles of papers and figures and maps.

I can’t be a good dad when she found her favorite book in the washing machine with some dirty clothes waiting to be washed, her star board is replaced with daddy’s ambitious honeymoon plan and her stomach is full of snacks.

My days are wonderful when I can hardly sleep and then I wake up with killing headaches leaving me no energy to go to work. And there’s no one left on the list to be called and asked for the favor of picking the baby girl up and watching her till daddy decides it’s time to take her back to the messy room of hers.

I think we were doing better when feeling depressed and living our lives than acting like sex monster with throbbing cocks feeling horny all day and groaning most of the time. Now I can see the point why the neighbors threatened us  with calling the cops for having sex in inappropriate places.

We are protesting but why? There’s no reason.

My mind is full of obscene offending words to be used random, my tone is insulting. I am angry, I am tired, I am sick of the world that doesn’t want to accept it, yet I have no right to act so animal.

I am circling in loops, walking on pins, stroking my cock, shouting at the world and asking everyone to look at the beast who wants to eat their world, make them gay and then sit down and watch them chasing each other like hungry animals dying to have sex.

God’s dead, yeah that was it, finished, now let us turn to beasts and rape one another, eat our own flesh and kill our kids, life is beautiful.

*************

“I’ll send the reports and some of the scanned designs, you do the rest I’m too sick to come to work today”

“What about your baby?”

“she’s gonna stay with me, byebye.”

And I stayed at home calling sick, I was sick, not physically but mentally.

She looked a bit pale, not sick for sure but tired of so much junk food.

Sitting on my lap I read her snow white again, she looked uncomfortable and when I tried to kiss her she frowned, jumped down and ran to her room, obviously I smelled and looked stubbly.

8.30 am and the whole place looked so disgusting and I couldn’t make my mind where to clean first, obviously I had to start with myself. She was playing with pinkie, still trusting daddy who promised to find Ms. Caramel days ago.

The bathroom looked like a public toilet, smelly and dirty. dried puke on the floor, dried semen all over the tub I could hardly remember my weekend except a vague memory of someone dropping her by the door the night before.

I took a quick look at myself in the mirror, so much like those perverts everyone hates. I made the mental note of not letting him cum on my face or hair and turned on the faucet.

It was 45 minutes later when I managed to come outta the bathroom again, it was shining like stars, at least the bathroom was clean.

He was still asleep that looked very natural with so many empty bottles under the bed. Shaking him a few times and not bothering to wake up I carried him to the bathroom and woke him up with cold water, that was fun.

While he was cleaning himself I managed to cram all the dirty clothes into the washing machine, then made him wash the bed sheet  in the bathroom cos it was too big for our small washing machine and too dirty to ask someone else wash it.

by 10.30 we had one clean bedroom, very clean bathroom, 3 clean people, lots of clean clothes waiting to be dried, folded/ironed and a very neat living room.

She helped us clean her room, looking very excitedly clean cos taking bath is always fun.

Cleaning kitchen and the rest of the house was finished by 11.40, Ms. Caramel is back to her bed and all the missing books and toys are back to their primary places.

Now I’m sitting at the kitchen table tying, he’s making a shopping list and she’s putting her toys to bed so they won’t cry while we’re out shopping.

Apparently it’s another lunch out but when done with the shopping he’s gonna cook lots of healthy food, I really miss fruits and she needs her daily milk.

Now I have the headache, my eyes are very red and tearful and my entire body aches but we have one clean home. I’m gonna book the tickets today so I stop daydreaming.

Gotta call all my friends and apologize for being such a pain in the ass. I put all the bottles (empty and full) out and I haven’t smoked more than 2 no 3 cigarettes till now, I give myself 2 more for the rest of the day and I will quit smoking, I promise!

She’s ready and he’s done with his list so it’s shopping time. Now I feel I can be a good dad some day, who knows I may become an acceptable person too!