I feel like…… cheating

Gate number 2, flight number 0000 to gate number 6, another fucking flight to another gate, one departed, the other arrived and I’m sitting here listening to him, and I don’t care how many planes come and go because I’m leaving this airport any moment.

“Take one” he stops to offer me cigarettes.

“No I quit and you can’t smoke here anyway.” I point to the no smoking sign.

He goes on putting the pack back into his pocket:” you know he’s a nice person who wants to be in charge of everything, a gaydaddy you know. I’m not interested in having it with my dad or someone his age.”

I nod but I’m not listening to him, I’m thinking of my own life that always gets creepy all at the same time. He’s still talking; actually he’s going for his third beer.

“he’s 47 and he never tried to be top, can you believe it?” now he’s staring at me waiting for a comment, what can I say? I had enough sex to find that next to impossible not to give it a try at least once and now he’s talking to me like a callboy but I know he’s still a V himself, for hell’s sake who calls oral sex losing your cherry?!

“I guess I can believe what you say, he looked like one, so are you dumping him?” I shoot my words with a big smile cos I can hardly read his mind.

“You know I’d never been with any man before, I was just this naïve boy ready to submit my body to whoever gives an offer. I wasn’t sure about my feeling, you know. Not until I met you. You, you gave me the idea that it can be nice to love another guy and it’s so natural. You know you’re a nice person; you’re too good to be his. If only we’ve met sooner.” He goes for another sip and I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable with his tone and never ending “you know”s, I feel I have to go but I’m to angry to do anything, even mentioning him indirectly make my blood boil. I sit and do nothing than putting my hand on his knee.

He’s finished with his can and he has his hand free to put on mine. He starts talking and I have to listen:” you know I was staying with him for a few days and one night he suggested sharing his bed. I thought it was a good late move because I’ve been waiting for that since I got on the plane and came here. I wanted to get rid of my clothes but then I thought it was better to let him do it. He just jumped on the bed and started kissing me, I wanted to eat him, bite him, taste him but he just wanted to touch my cheeks, at last he kissed me on the lips, I really didn’t know how pushy I was, I did want to taste him and at last he let me, I tell you it was horrible, he could at least brush his teeth, you know you tasted so good. I never forget your taste, your smell, I’m so happy you were my first kiss.” He tried to touch my lips with his finger; I stopped him in mid air. That kiss was something really lustful I felt guilty for a long time. It wasn’t my fault he had a crush on me, I didn’t. I just thought he was cute or I was just tired of dating people my age or older at that time.

“Do you want me to go on?” he asked.

I replied: “yeah, sure. I think I have one more hour to spare. I can go back to work before lunch time.”

He goes on:” you know it was all silly, we took our own clothes off and jumped under the blanket in a dark room. I started touching his nipples, then went for his crotch and it was all hairy, all disgusting. He could do a few things to make him look better. And the funny thing is that with a little touch he was moaning and breathing hard. It was so silly cos we didn’t even do anything. He said he wanted me in his ass and I told him I didn’t want cos with all those hair everywhere and smelling sweat I really didn’t want to get inside his shit hole.” He pauses to take a look at his watch.

“What did you do then?” I ask just trying to make him finish his rants and let me go.

“Nothing much. I’ve watched lots of porn. Hey you two still don’t like watching porn?” he asks wickedly and I still remember the dvd he gave my partner on his birthday and how mad he was. Thinking about those crazy times make me angrier, I feel I hate him more and more.

“Not really. We don’t have much time for that stuff.” That was the lamest excuse I can make and I know it myself.

He puts his hand on my leg and starts scratching the denim. “You were talking about your night?” I’m tired now.

“yes, actually he wasn’t good for me. I licked him a little bit and he came really quickly. He wanted to give me a blowjob but I felt so bad licking his cock and tasting his cum a little bit I want to the bathroom and puked all my dinner. Is it always like this? I mean those guys swallow and suck like they’re having the most delicious thing in the world.”

“Well, it’s just porn and they’re models. Actually it can be something really good but you want it clean, don’t you?” sometimes telling the truth can be hard. So he stays silent for a while trying to make his mind what to say next. I’m bored with his boring rants about his boring boyfriend and well I didn’t tell him to date someone the age of his dad.

He moves his head close enough to whisper something I can hardly hear: “and you’re clean, right? I know you shave all the hair on your body. I’ve seen your long beautiful legs when hanging from those holds and ropes.”

He sounds so funny “you’re so stupid. Yes I shave but no one 5’ 10” can have long beautiful legs. And you looked really gripped all the time.” I try to change the topic.

He gets closer and I can feel his breath now. Then he bends as if trying to tie his laces putting his hand on my inner thigh he stays there a few seconds exploring more of my thigh before he comes up. “if I had just a day to live, I love to see you naked. I wonder how big you are. You must be a really big cos bony guys have bigger boners.”

He’s really turning me on, he’s leaving and we may never see each other again or any time soon.

“Let’s go to the men’s room” I say and stand up to leave him. He looks puzzled, I go for the restroom and he follows me. It’s not too far and it’s empty. I push him to the wall and kiss him, deep down his throat he can feel my tongue. He can say I taste good cos I couldn’t chaw more gums in the same day. He looks breathless but I don’t want to let him go. He has to do something for what he asked for. I bit his lip a little. How much I wanted to wake him up and kiss him this morning but well he had no right to tell me what to do, I really hated him. For a second I was feeling guilty, I was kissing another guy and I was thinking of him. He always tasted good, different, he found a new taste to surprise me, it was more fun to play with his tongue before getting my little surprise and I liked chocolates most.

I wrap my arms round his body and he submits. It sounds weird but probably he felt the same when I gave him my body, heart and soul. I know I can be dominant a bit but I prefer letting him do whatever he likes. But this guy is different, he asked for something and now I wanna be the one in charge, I enjoy seeing his young face belonging to me, his mind doing as I tell him. I have no feeling for him than trying to get rid of all the anger and hatred I stored in my heart since last night. Someone must pay for it!

I let him go to grab some tissues and he starts breathing better.

I get close to him one more time. “jesus you tasted a lot better than last time, how can you do this?” I wave my Wrigley’s in front of his eyes and smile. I like the flavors he chooses for me, once I made him look for the green ones I like for 2 hours. No I hate him.

He lays his back to the wall and put his hand on the front of my jeans, I cant and don’t want to hide my bulge. He moves his fingers up and down trying to imagine how it looks like. I grab his hand and put his fingers in my mouth, sucking one by one imagining it’s his cock, I love his cock and how he cum on my face, I like swallowing him, how much I miss him.

But he’s not here, I can see just lust, unzipping his pants and digging inside his underwear I find his waiting cock. I grab it with the tissue and probably I can hurt him a bit; I don’t care and he doesn’t care either. He has his eyes closed, his head leaning against the wall and his body arching a little as I move my hand up and down his cock.

I like hearing his moans and more than that I just want to give him the gift of cuming in my hand. I move my hand faster and squeezing him with my finger, he cant hold it any longer, without thinking I put my hand on his mouth and he cums and cums and cums . this boy must jerk off every now and then or his stored cum may kill him.

I look at his soft sworn dick and then the tissues in my hand, urrgghh I throw them to the trash bin and wash my hands several times but it seems I can’t get them clean.

What have I done? What the hell I’m doing here? I can’t believe I cheated on the only man I love on this big planet. He gave me all his heart and what did I do? I run out of the restroom without turning my head. I feel sick of myself and I can’t fix it anymore.